Transracial Adoptees Can Develop Racial Identity and Coping Skills
Excerpts taken from article written by Lois R. Melina with comments from Joseph Crumbly, D.S.W. and James Mahoney, M.S.W. compiled by Leslie Carpenter
Transracial adoption, particularly the adoption of African-American children by European-American parents, became more common in the early 1970's. It reflected the beliefs of people who wanted to say that race shouldn't matter in relationships between people.
However, in 1972, the National Association of Black Social Workers (NABSW) issued a statement condemning the practice. It argued that black children raised in white families would not have a sense of their racial identity-they would not understand what it meant to be black. Furthermore, it stated that white parents are unprepared and unequipped to teach black children the skills necessary to survive in racist society.
Those against transracial adoption have argued that removing minority children from their racial heritage is "cultural genocide." In addition to their concerns for the children, they fear that the black community will lose advocates because transracially adopted children will have the values and attitudes of the families in which they grew up, which tend to be upper middle class white families.
Opponents of this view argue that the African-American community should allow for more diversity. One should not have to conform to a certain kind of language, style of dress, political views, and social attitudes to be considered a "true" black person. They argue that transracial adoption shouldn't be considered a failure if a child has an awareness of his racial heritage and takes pride in it, even though he may have attitudes and values that are more predominant among European-Americans than among African-Americans.
Furthermore, advocates of transracial adoption say the cost to children of growing up without a full understanding of what is means to be African-American-including the skills necessary to survive in a racist society-is less than the cost of growing up without the love and emotional security of a stable family. Some people suggest that there are so many African-American children in the child welfare system that even the most successful efforts to recruit African-American parents for children will not be sufficient-some degree of transracial adoption is inevitable.
While these children will not have the same sense of racial identity or approach to racism that they would have if they were being raised by Black parents, they are not necessarily doomed to be racial "misfits" or powerless victims of racism. White parents can help their children develop a positive racial identity and can prepare them for the realities of being a minority in our society. It isn't easy, and parents who adopt transracially must understand their responsibility to educate themselves, and change some of their attitudes and perhaps even their lifestyle, to meet the complex needs of a transracial adopted child.
Parents must admit racism exists, and understand how it can be encountered as well as that the purpose of racism is to obtain power and control. Most adoptive parents start our "color blind," believing that the appropriate way to counter racism is to adopt the attitude that race doesn't matter. While well-intentioned, it denies the actual experience of people of color. Eventually adoptive parents see that while they may be color-blind, other people are not. When their child is the victim of racial slurs, gets turned down for a date because of race, or is treated more harshly by the police than white youngsters in the community, parents begin to recognize that race is important and they they cannot protect their children from racism.
Children who are not prepared to encounter racism, both through the development of good racial identity and survival skills, are at risk of poor self-esteem and self-hate. When children who have been raised not to notice color or the effects of color in society are confronted with negative stereotypes of their own race, they have little option but to accept that stereotype and feel bad about themselves. They end up feeling alienated from the white culture they grew up in because others don't see that they belong there, as well as from the culture of their own race because they don't feel that they fit in there-or may not want to because they see only the negative stereotypes. Parents need to counterbalance negative role models with positive role models and tell and remind their children over and over again they they can be or do anything!
Anger is an appropriate response to racism, but children who have not been brought up to expect racism are also not taught how to express that anger in acceptable ways. The result of this can be self-hate, rage, violence, isolation, or a variety of mental health disorders such as depression or conduct disorders. Instead of being angry and fighting, the children must learn to use their strength to redefine success and achieve everything they can.
From the moment a family adopts, regardless of the race of the child, they begin to deal with identity issues. Adopting puts the family in minority of it's own. The parents become hyper-vigilant, they over-identify, and they must be careful not to over-react. The goal for parents who adopt transracially is not to raise a "chameleon"-a person who can blend in so well with people of his own race that no one would be able to tell he'd even been with a white family. The goal is for the child to appreciate that aspect of himself enough to want to explore and develop it. This goal is generally beyond the means of white adoptive parents to accomplish alone. No parents can be all things to their child. Consequently, adoptive parents have to provide their child with surrogate systems and models for their child-religious, educational, social, artistic, and spiritual experiences with families, organizations, churches, and institutions of the child's own race. Parents may be uncomfortable being involved in situations in which they are the minority, but they must find a comfort level if they are to help their children. Between the ages of 12 and 15 years, the transracially adopted child will have to pick where they belong-they will gravitate to where they are accepted.
There is a difference between exposing a child to these positive influences and allowing a child to participate in them. Adoptive parents may find it difficult to allow their child to become involved in these cultural experiences because they don't understand them, or are dealing with their own fears and stereotypes.
While parents can and should be selective about the types of experiences a child is exposed to, it is also important to remember that the whole point of the exercise is to have children immersed in a different culture. The key is to provide the child with diverse experiences so that they are not dependant on stereotypes of what is means to be a member of their race. Parents have to be willing to let their children have some of these experiences on their own: to go out of their way to provide these associations; to celebrate their differences. This ability to let go and allow an unfamiliar culture to influence their child without being there to observe what is happening is difficult for parents.
Equally important is to consciously and directly provide children with a repertoire of responses to the racism and prejudice they will encounter and explain why people are prejudiced. People have always feared what is different. The unfair experiences that minority children are likely to encounter must be discussed openly if children are to be prepared not only to deal with the experience but their feelings of anger at the unfairness, as well. For example, children of color need to know that if they are loitering in a convenience store they will be treated differently than white children loitering in the same store. They need to know how to communicate that they are not threatening , and how to handle a confrontation with the store owner that may arise. They need to understand that an outraged attitude by a white person accused unjustly will be viewed differently than a similar attitude by a person of color.
What stops parents from discussing this, is not only their own lack of experience with it, but their aversion to destroying their child's innocence-especially when having to lose this innocence is itself unfair. Parents want their children to be free of such worries and to view others, especially adults, as helpers in their world rather than as potential victimizers. They want their children to have enough awareness and skills to keep from being a victim. When it comes to racial issues, parents would like to believe that their child will be evaluated on her own merits rather than on her skin color. Parents need to understand that the attitude that says life is good, life is fair, and if you are the best you can be people will judge you appropriately is more true for a white person than for a person of color and therefore may not serve their children.
Parents should also be concerned that their children will begin to approach life with a "chip on their shoulder"-believing people will discriminate against them as the result of a quality they cannot change and may not want to change, and that their children will use this as an excuse for not doing their best. Even highly successful minority business executives have had to learn survival skills for interacting in a racist society. Children of color must learn to recognize situations in which racism and prejudice may occur. "Protective hesitation," is an ability to observe a situation for clues that racism may be involved or a potential conflict may develop. Children must also develop a sense of "selective confrontation" and "selective avoidance"-that is, knowing when to back off from a situation and when to deal with it directly. Once they decide on a confrontation, they must also learn various appropriate ways of confrontation. Children also need to know their legal rights and institutional resources available to help them when they are the victims of racism, including the courts and community organizations.
*The best way for transracially adopted children to learn about racial identity and ways to cope with racism in the same way other children of color do-through contact with older generations who can pass on what they have learned. To do this, members of the majority culture must admit to themselves that the group viewed in our culture as powerful and dominant cannot help their children. The people who can most help are from a group who have been discriminate against and viewed as second-class.
(emphasis added)
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