Families Supporting Adoption

NCFA - Member Agencies Research project

2012-01-11T10:02:00.000-07:00

Brother Wayne Allgaier, NCFA Constituent Services, received a request from a graduate student doing research on adoptees who have since become adults and have had children of their own. She is looking for adoptees who might be able to participate in a survey. Please read her brief recruitment statement below. If you feel this is something you might want to forward to individuals who might be eligible to participate, please fee free to do so.

NCFA is very interested in quality research about adoption, however you need to be aware that NCFA is not directly involved with this project, and you must make your own decision about participating. We appreciate your understanding. I’m sure Jessica would be happy to answer any questions you may have about her research. Her email address is jessicaeister@yahoo.com. If you would like to see her survey, it is available online at https://www.surveymonkey.com/s/adoptee. She has agreed to share the results of her research with NCFA.

Recruitment statement:
My name is Jessica Eister; I am a graduate student at Immaculata University. I am conducting a study that will look at themes experienced during pregnancy/childbirth among adult female adoptees along with demographic and adoption factors that may relate to these themes. The short survey can be completed at https://www.surveymonkey.com/s/adoptee . Your participation would be greatly appreciated.

Thank you in advance.
Jessica Eister
(610) 960-5941
jessicaeister@yahoo.com

2011 Adoption Tax Credit Forms and Instructions Available

2012-01-11T09:51:00.000-07:00

If you adopted in 2011 (or had expenses in 2010 or earlier for a non-finalized US adoption), you most likely can claim the adoption tax credit with your 2011 taxes. The IRS recently released Form 8839 and instructions, which are necessary to claim the credit. This year's instructions have additional information about the documentation required to file for the credit.

To learn more about the 2011 credit, visit http://www.nacac.org/taxcredit/taxcredit2011.html.

Download the form and instructions:

• 2011 Form 8839

• 2011 Form 8839 instructions • (PDF)

The IRS has also created a special page for the adoption tax credit and plans to post additional information there as necessary. Visit the page.

A Home for Every Child

2011-12-12T20:27:00.000-07:00

There are so many amazing people who are part of FSA!! We are spotlighting Becky Hanson, currently serving on the FSA National Board covering birth grandparents, and the amazing gingerbread house she made for the Festival of the Trees held in Salt Lake City. What a wonderful way to celebrate the holiday season and spread the great news about adoption at the same time! Thank you Becky for all of your hard work and amazing talents!!

National Adoption Month

2011-10-27T17:26:00.000-06:00

Did you know that November is National Adoption Month?? Join many members of FSA who are celebrating adoption in November by attending one of many great activities! Here are a few ideas to get you thinking about how to celebrate:

Follow this link to register online.

Also in November...

Have a great month!

National Council For Adoption (NCFA)

2011-09-22T13:43:00.000-06:00

Many of you who attended the FSA National Conference in August saw a display table for the National Council For Adoption and heard from Charles "Chuck" Johnson about NCFA and the work the organization does for adoption. He spoke of a new position at NCFA this year, a missionary couple has been assigned to work with NCFA--Wayne & Vicki Allgaier. Wayne and Vicki attended the conference and encouraged members of FSA to also become members of NCFA. There is a new membership category for families and individuals who are interested in adoption.

Some of the values of membership are: NCFA’s working with legislators to make sure they are well informed as they consider legislation concerning adoption, to assure the support of healthy ethical adoption practices; the ability to participate in a members-only listserv, where you can communicate with other members who share similar interests and concerns and receive periodic postings from the NCFA office regarding what’s happening in the world of adoption. And, of course, there’s the bumper sticker!

So, for those of you who took home a membership application form, now is the time to fill it out and send it in. If you attended the conference, your cost is only $25 for the year's membership. Otherwise, membership is $35 per year.

Information and the application form can be found at https://www.adoptioncouncil.org/for-families/for-families.html.

FSA Store, Vendors, and more!

2011-08-10T09:00:00.001-06:00

Don't forget to take a peak in the FSA Store at the national conference. Several new items are available for purchase, inlcuding long-sleeve t-shirts and yoga pants! You will also find many selections from Deseret Book and vendor booths with a variety of items for your perusal!

It would also be great to check out our Pass Along Card table. We are setting aside this space for anyone interested in trading pass along cards or checking out what others have done and getting ideas to make your own cards. Take a card or leave a card, or simply get new ideas....it's a great way to share!

Birth Parents & Families Social

2011-08-08T21:18:00.000-06:00

A quick note to all of you who are registered as birth parents or birth parent families. We are planning our second birth parents and families social this year following the banquet Friday night. If you attended last year and had a great time, make sure to tell everyone to come again! If this is your first time at the conference, join us for a lot of fun! Look for more details (and location) at the conference center. See you there!

National Conference News: Registration and Check-in Details

2011-08-02T17:55:00.000-06:00

Anyone who has attended the FSA National Conference in the past knows that standing in line is part of "checking in" at the conference. Well, this year the National Board has made a plan that should help the check-in line move quickly and efficiently. How can you make your check-in quick and pain-free??

First, register online before the conference begins. This ensures you will have a printed name-tag and your information will be saved on the conference registration site.

Second, follow the signs at the conference center entrance to make sure you are in the correct line. There will be a line for those who have PRE-REGISTERED and another for those REGISTERING AT THE DOOR. (These lines will be designated with ropes.) Keep your head up, follow the signs, and ask a National Board member in a red shirt if you have any questions.

Third, pre-pay online!! This speeds up the registration process and helps the line keep moving. If you haven't paid online, you may pay with cash, check, or credit card.

Classes from LDSFS Workers

2011-07-20T08:00:00.003-06:00

LDSFS workers bring a great deal of experience to their classes. Here is a sample of the offerings from them this year:

Nurturing Marriage
Adoptive couples in FSA are some of the best out there. But even the best couples can benefit from some marital enhancement. Experiencing infertility and the challenges of the adoption process can put a strain on your marriage. We are excited to have Spencer Zitzman joining us to teach us ways to make sure you are enjoying your marriage and even making it stronger through these tough times.

The Dance of Adoption: Understanding Birth Parents
Much like partners learning the intricate moves of a dance, adoptive parents and birth parents are engaged in a relationship where both are working to understand the expectations and desires of the other. Early in the relationship, the birth parent is clearly in the leading position, and the adoptive couple needs to learn how to follow that lead. Over time, the dynamics of the relationship change as the adoptive couple assumes the lead and may need to help the birth parent in the transition. Being aware of the often complicated and emotional aspects of the dance is the goal of the workshop taught by Kevin Theriot.

Chronological Age vs. Family Age: Attaching with an Older Adoptee
"Family age" is a way of looking at how relationships develop in a newly formed family with an older adoptee. If you have ever thought about adopting an older child, this class from Lisa Manery will teach you how to facilitate the attachment process with a child you haven't been raising from infancy.

Riding the Roller Coaster Called Adoption
Adoptive couples may face frustrations, fears, and other emotions while dealing with caseworkers, open adoption issues, legal issues, and other matters not commonly addressed. This panel moderated by James Wadman will help couples learn how to deal with these stressors and how to effectively communicate with each other, with their caseworkers, and with birth parents. It will focus on how couples can get through the adoption process in one piece - and enjoy the ride!

For information on keynote speakers, childcare, the 2nd annual adoption art display, or the new expo, check out the links on the left sidebar. See older posts for more FSA Conference details.

Classes from FSA Members

2011-07-18T08:00:00.004-06:00

FSA is made up of some of the finest families around. Many of them have found unique opportunities through their own experiences to learn more about specific aspects of adoption. We're lucky to have several of them joining us at the National Conference to share their knowledge. Take a look at just a few of the classes FSA members are presenting:

Transracial Adoption: Parenting Your Child of Color
How is parenting a child of color different from parenting white children? Learn what you need to be aware of when adopting transracially. Explore race, racism, and the institutionalized inequities that will impact your child of color in school and society. Understand how to address race and bias with family, with friends, and in the media. Embrace the wonderful diversity of transracial adoption!

Children with Disabilities and Special Health Care Needs 101
Are you considering parenting a child with disabilities and special health care needs, or are you already parenting a child with these challenges? You may have many questions, such as: What do I need to know as a parent? What can I expect? What will the school experience be like? This presentation will provide an introductory discussion. This FSA member (a.k.a. the Disability Diva) will share her unique perspective as an advocate, clinician, instructor, and now parent of children with disabilities.

Advocating for Adoption: Rooted in Your Heart!
Your adoption advocacy can make a huge difference. In this presentation we will discuss how, why, and with whom to advocate. We will also learn some essential facts that we can arm ourselves with as we make community presentations. Come learn how to make adoption advocacy fun!

Adoption in Children's Literature
Participants will learn how to evaluate and use children's picture books to promote adoption, aid communication about adoption issues, strengthen secure attachment, and encourage positive adoptive identity.

For information on keynote speakers, childcare, the 2nd annual adoption art display, or the new expo, check out the links on the left sidebar. See older posts for more FSA Conference details.

Early Registration Extended One Week

2011-07-14T17:00:00.001-06:00

You can breathe a SIGH of relief!! The National Board has decided to extend the deadline for "early" registration to July 22, 2011. Remember that registration costs increase after this date...so register soon!

If you haven't seen it already, check out the conference breakout sessions here!

Read about those who will be performing and sharing their musical talent with us here and here!

Don't forget to check out the links on the left side of this blog...all the conference details are there!

Easy-to-Read Conference Schedule

2011-07-14T10:00:00.003-06:00

It looks like some readers have had difficulty accessing the schedule from the link provided previously. Here is a scaled down version of the breakout sessions so that you can see what classes are being offered in each. Please note that this schedule may be subject to slight change. Classes in blue text are geared specifically towards birth families. Again, this is only the breakout schedule. Don't forget that each day begins with a keynote address, Friday evening is the awards banquet, and Saturday after the birth parent panel is the raffle and closing.

Session 1 10:30 to 11:30	Session 2 1:00 to 2:00	Session 3 2:30 to 3:30	Session 4 4:00 to 5:00
Transracial Adoption Panel	Adoptee Panel	Ask a Birth Parent Panel	Whole Story Panel
How to Plan a Post-Placement Life	To Parent or to Place?	What Adopted Children Need from Their Birth Parents	Ask a Birth Parent (what to expect from adoption)
Step by Step: Pregnancy to lacement	Husbands of Birth Mothers	Giving Back: How to make a difference as a bp volunteer	Birth Grandparent Volunteer Training
Openness in Adoption	Lifebooks	Understanding Birth Parents	Adoption Law
Bridging LDSFS and the Foster Care System	Adoption Advocacy	Intercountry Adoption	Disruption Prevention
Managing Emotions	Attuning to Your Child Part I	Attuning to Your Child Part II	Nurturing Marriage
FSA Leadership Training Part I	Adopting Children in Black and White	TRA: Parenting Your Child of Color	TRA Open Forum
SATURDAY
Session 1 10:30 to 11:30	Session 2 1:00 to 2:00	Session 3 2:30 to 3:30	General Session 4:00 to 5:00
Hybrid Families Panel	Birth Father Panel	Foster to Adopt Panel	Birth Parent Panel
Grief and Healing	Communication: The Secret to a Successful Open Adoption	Self Esteem & Inner Acceptance
The Adoption Experience as a Birth Father	When Your Adoption Story Takes an Unwanted Turn
Infant Bonding	Infertility	Step by Step: What I learned along the way
Special Needs	Why FSA?	Getting Out There!
Adoption in Children’s Literature	Family Stages of Adoption	Preparing Children for the Playground
FSA Leadership Training: Part 2	Adoption Tax Credit	Avoiding Adoption Scams

For information on keynote speakers, childcare, the 2nd annual adoption art display, or the new expo, check out the links on the left sidebar. See older posts for more FSA Conference details.

First Class Talent at FSA Conference! Part II

2011-07-13T10:40:00.001-06:00

If you've ever been to conference, you already know that some of the best LDS music artists share our love of adoption and, because of that, they are willing to share their talents with us at the national conference. We are pleased to announce another group who will be joining us this year:

Heartbound

Me'Chel Musgrave, Debbie Bastian, and Lori Hales comprise the group Heartbound. Their unique blend of both music and motivational stories has delighted audiences throughout the United States.

Heartbound has performed literally across America for various events such as; Carnival Cruise, American Mothers Inc. Conventions, World Senior Games, Franklin Covey, Tahitian Noni, Conferences for women's and youth organizations, business luncheons, private galas and coast to coast motivational programs.

They have been singing together for more than 20 years. As best friends they found that singing together consumes fewer calories than going to lunch regularly. Between them they have been married for a combined 89 years, have mothered 13 children, 6 adorable grandchildren and enjoy the support of their terrific families. Like you, they live in the real world…They've experienced the joys of life as well as heartaches and disappointments.

The group writes their own lyrics and composes their own music bringing their distinctive brand of joy, peace and hope to their audiences. They have produced 8 CD’s and 2 Songbooks including their Christmas CD with renowned pianist Marvin Goldstein. They have also recorded some popular Christmas and familiar upbeat tunes.

Heartbound’s mission statement reads… "Reaching out with music to speak to the soul, give hope to the heart and spread joy for the journey." Their hope and prayer is that you will feel this as you experience their music. You can find out more about Heartbound, their music, and their message at their website.

Don't forget to enter to win a pair of tickets to the conference! For information on keynote speakers, childcare, the 2nd annual adoption art display, or the new expo, check out the links on the left sidebar.

First Class Talent at FSA Conference! Part I

2011-07-11T21:21:00.000-06:00

One Clear Voice

With a combined total of over 100 years in performance and 75 years of studio vocal work, One Clear Voice unites four of the LDS music industry's most recognizable female voices—

Tanya Barkdull began a professional singing career at the age of twelve. Since that time, Tanya's voice has been heard on over 1,000 recordings from television, film, and radio including; The Tonight Show with Jay Leno, Touched by an Angel, The Oprah Winfrey Show and Disney's 101 Dalmatians. Her voice has been heard from Canada to Mexico, and throughout Europe. She has sung with amazing recording artists such as Billy Dean, BB King, Collin Raye, Donny Osmond and Gladys Knight. The accomplishment she is most proud of is her family. She and her husband, Gavon, are the parents of four wonderful children.

Johanne Fréchette Perry was born in Montréal, Canada and grew up in the Los Angeles area where she joined the church as a teenager. She has traveled the world with the BYU Young Ambassadors and graduated with a BFA in Music Dance Theatre. For over 20 years she has been a studio singer and has been featured as a soloist on many LDS recordings. She has delighted audiences across the U.S. and on PBS with her portrayal of early Utah settler Polly Matilda Merrill Colton in the show Polly: A One-Woman Musical, written by her husband, Steven Kapp Perry. When not singing she keeps busy with her four children, organic vegetable garden, and teaching genealogy and drama at American Heritage Academy.

Tammy Simister Robinson, a Music Education graduate and vocal instructor, began writing and arranging songs in high school. Her works have earned numerous Awards of Distinction in the annual LDS Church Music Submissions. Her song May I Serve Thee was twice broadcast worldwide during the LDS General Women's Meeting and was printed in the Ensign magazine. Her voice has been heard on hundreds of recordings for over 20 years and she has released three solo albums of original songs and hymn arrangements, including The Color of Hope and In Thy Hands which together earned a combined total of four FCMA Pearl Awards. Tammy and her husband live in Midvale, Utah and are the parents of two children.

LaRene Tinney has traveled and performed in the U. S., Asia, Israel, Europe, the former Soviet Union and many other parts of the world. Before graduating from Brigham Young University, she was a member of BYU’s Young Ambassadors. For more than ten years she has enjoyed doing back-up and choral work with many talented artists, her favorites being the other OCV ladies. As an accomplished dancer and actress, LaRene has a long list of musical theater experiences. One of her proudest moments came on national television as she was asked to brag about her family on the “Oprah Winfrey Show”. She and her husband reside in Orem with their 4 children.

Since their 2006 debut album, One Clear Voice has earned four distinguished awards for: Inspirational Album, Sacred Song, New Artist, and Group of the Year. Their second album, “Go Without Knowing” was released in December 2009. You can find out more about One Clear Voice at their website.

Don't forget to enter to win a pair of tickets to the conference! For information on keynote speakers, childcare, the 2nd annual adoption art display, or the new expo, check out the links on the left sidebar.

WIN A PAIR OF NATIONAL CONFERENCE TICKETS

2011-07-07T19:40:00.002-06:00

*This giveaway is closed and the winner has been notified by email*

Didn't win? Want another chance? Check out The R House and enter before Sunday, July 17, 2011

Don't forget...the deadline for early registration has been extended through July 22, 2011!!

The National Conference is quickly approaching.

We thought that with all the excitement of the conference, it would be a great idea to have a blog giveaway!

We are giving away a PAIR of National Conference tickets to a lucky blog reader ($80 value)!

You might be thinking, "Oh no! I already purchased my tickets!" Don't worry! We will refund you for two of those should you win.

If you would like to enter this giveaway, here is what to do:

•Leave a comment on this blog post.
•Include your email address in this comment.

Extra Entries are Available:

Leave an additional comment with your email address for each extra entry.

•"Follow" The FSA National Blog.
•Subscribe to The FSA National Blog.
•follow @NationalFSA on Twitter.
•Tweet about this giveaway, using @NationalFSA in your tweet! (This can be done once per day.)
•Become a fan of or "like" Families Supporting Adoption on Facebook.
•Blog about this giveaway on your blog, linking back to this post. Leave a link to your post in your comment.
•Add one of the Families Supporting Adoption blog buttons to your blog.
•Email your family and friends about this giveaway; send your email to fsablog at gmail dot com.

Don't forget to leave your email address so we can contact you should you win. Entries will be accepted until Thursday, July 14, 2010 at 11:59 PM MST. The winner will be announced the following day via email. The winner has 48 hours to respond. If they fail to respond, a new winner will be selected.

Good Luck!

The Fine Print:

This giveaway is for two full National Conference tickets only. The winner will be responsible for travel to the conference and hotel accommodations. This blog is run by a member of the FSA National Board who is responsible for the National Conference. This board member was not compensated for this post. Winner will be randomly selected.

Have you heard?!

2011-07-05T08:38:00.000-06:00

Have you heard about the annual Families Supporting Adoption Conference? It's coming up soon! Here are just a few of the things people said about last year's conference:

"The keynote speaker was the highlight," and "The keynote address was engaging and inspiring."

"Good variety of classes."

"The music was wonderful!"

"I loved it. It was an amazing experience to help me learn, understand, and realize how many people are going through and have gone through what I am."

"The food was yummy!"

"FSA store had great resources."

"Wish it could have been longer."

"So many amazing classes and speakers."

"This has helped us as a first exposure to address a lot of our fears, worries, questions, etc. We feel educated and informed."

"I can't wait to come back."

"11 months post-placement and conference touched my heart. I loved it."

"Conference really helped me with some issues that I hadn't realized or addressed. Thank you."

"Things I loved: banquet, panels, class selection, organization, help, smiles!"

Don't miss out on this year's conference! Register NOW!

2nd Annual Adoption Art Display

2011-06-30T11:47:00.000-06:00

We are looking for art to put on display during our annual Families Supporting Adoption Conference this August. Many have been touched by the miracle of adoption and know how tender that journey is. This is an opportunity to share a piece of your journey with others. All are invited to share their love for adoption through art.

Here are some ideas to get your creative juices flowing:

• All types and mediums of art and crafting

• Photography

• Sculpture

• Poetry

• Paintings

• Quilts made for birth parents from adoptive couples or quilts from birth families to children and adoptive couples

• Children's depictions of adoption through drawings, painting, clay, etc.

• Turn a photo into a coloring page and have children color or paint them (befunky.com offers this option as well as a bunch of other really cool photo editing tools.)

All who want to participate will need to bring their art with them to the conference center.

All art will be subject to approval.

Art will be on display during the FSA conference at the Davis Conference Center August 12-13.

Art from children will be displayed on a children's wall.

Art submissions can be dropped off during the registration hour Friday August 12th from 8-9 a.m., or Saturday August 13 from 8-9 a.m.

Please remember that art pieces must be appropriate for all audiences and are subject to refusal if inappropriate.

2011 FSA International Conference

2011-06-16T19:00:00.009-06:00

Registration reminder!!!

Remember to register for conference before July 15th to get a discounted rate.

Join us for these great workshops for adoptive couples and families, birth parents and families, and everyone else interested in learning more about adoption:

What Adoptive Children need from their birth parents

How to plan a post-placement life

Step by Step: Pregnancy to Placement

Openness in Adoption, Nurturing Marriage

Adoption Law, Infertility, Life Books,

Attuning to your child, Grief and Healing

Foster to Adopt, Infant bonding, Why FSA?

and many more!!!

To see a preliminary schedule, CLICK HERE!!

All workshop topics and session times are subject to change.

2011 FSA Conference Vendors

2011-05-24T13:50:00.005-06:00

Applications are now being accepted for vendors at the 2011 FSA International Conference to be held August 12, 2011, through August 13, 2011. Guidelines for vendors are as follows:

A request to set up displays should be submitted in writing to the FSA Executive Board.

All requests should be received by June 15, 2011. Notification will be provided in writing within 45 days as to whether the application has been approved.

Displays will be limited based on availability of space at the conference location.

No-shows may result in forfeiting future table display opportunities.

FSA in not responsible for any lost or stolen goods.

FSA will not be responsible for overseeing any display.

Product or Service must relate to adoption, childcare, parenting, and/or other products/services deemed relevant by the FSA Executive Board.

Cost: $35.00 for skirted table

$65.00 for a curtained booth and table

CLICK HERE to view and print the vendor application form.

International Conference News: 2011 FSA Awards

2011-05-19T09:00:00.002-06:00

We are pleased to announce the 2011 Families Supporting Adoption Hall of Fame Award recipients:

Dr. Karyn Purvis, Texas Christian University

and

Bethany Christian Services

We want to express our thanks and appreciation for all of the care and compassion they give to children, birth parents, and adoptive couples throughout the world.

(Read about Dr. Purvis, and Bethany Christian Services)

Award recipients from previous years include: President Gordon B. Hinckley, President Thomas S. Monson, Michael McLean, Fred Riley, Krista Ralston Oakes, Gladney, David McConkie, Jay & Peggy Whitesides, Dale and Nathan Gwilliam, and many others.

FSA Chapter Awards for Outstanding Service

Illinois Chapter

Colorado Chapter

International Conference News: Friday Morning Keynote Speaker

2011-05-16T09:00:00.008-06:00

Julie B. Beck

Relief Society General President

Julie Bangerter Beck was born in Salt Lake City, Utah. Her earliest memories are of growing up in the mission home in the heart of Sao Paulo, Brazil, where her father presided over the Brazilian Mission. By the time she returned to Utah at age nine, she was fluent in Portuguese and had developed a strong love for the gospel of Jesus Christ. She grew up in Granger, Utah, with 10 siblings. During high school her family moved to Alpine, Utah.

After a year at Dixie College, she met her husband, Ramon, an Alpine native. Both graduated from Brigham Young University. Sister Beck has served in many callings in the auxiliaries of the Church and in scouting. She served on the Young Women general board and as first counselor in the Young Women general presidency.

She currently serves as the Relief Society general president. As part of her responsibilities, she is a member of the Church Board of Education and the Boards of Trustees for Church schools and universities, and she is on the executive and general councils for Church welfare and the Perpetual Education Fund. She is the mother of 3 children and is the grandmother of 14. Sister Beck's chief sources of joy are spending time with her family and serving the Lord.

International Conference News: Special Guest Speaker

2011-05-13T09:00:00.000-06:00

Charles "Chuck" Johnson is the president and CEO of the National Council For Adoption (NCFA) and the Director of the Infant Adoption Awareness Training Initiative. He is the primary editor of NCFA's highly rated Consider the Possibilities curriculum and of the Adoption Advocate, a monthly publication of NCFA. He is also the project manager and editor/writer of the Intercountry Adoption Journey: Hague-Compliant Training from NCFA, a Web-based training for prospective adoptive parents that promotes the learning objectives required by the Hague Convention on Intercountry Adoption. Prior to joining NCFA, Mr. Johnson served 17 years with a licensed child-placing agency in Alabama, including eight years as its executive director. He was a consultant and on-camera participant to Hallmark Entertainment's A Family for Li. His recent citations include CNN, CNN International, Fox News, USA Today, Time, Newsweek, the New York Times, and Family News in Focus. Mr. Johnson is a graduate of Auburn University with a degree in Social Work and holds a Masters degree from Birmingham Theological Seminary. He has been a licensed practicing social worker since 1986. He is a father by adoption and lives with his wife and three children in Maryland.

2011 FSA International Conference Registration

2011-05-11T07:29:00.010-06:00

Registration is up and running for the

2011 FSA International Conference.

Click here to go to the registration page.

The conference will be held at the Davis Conference Center in Layton, Utah on Friday, August 12, 2011, from 9:00 am to 7:00 pm, and Saturday, August 13, 2011, from 9:00 am to 5:30 pm.

The cost of conference is $40 per person for early registration.

After July 15, 2011, registration will be $45 per person.

**Conference registration for birth parents is free**

Lodging information is located on the registration site.

Watch for more details about workshop topics...coming soon.

Friday Keynote Speaker: Sister Julie B. Beck, Relief Society General President

Special Guest Speaker: Chuck Johnson, National Council For Adoption

Saturday Keynote Speaker: Dr. Karyn Purvis, Texas Christian University

International Conference News: Service Project

2011-04-29T09:00:00.002-06:00

Hospitals play an important part of Adoption Outreach. Placements can be made whether through referrals by doctors, nurses, social workers, as well as newborn intensive care units, and safe haven laws. Recognizing the impact of local hospitals on the adoption process, National Families Supporting Adoption has chosen to support an area hospital for this year's service project. Intermountain Medical Center (IMC) is emerging as one of the Utah state's premiere hospitals. IMC has a Women and Newborn Center that is home to labor and delivery services, physician offices including obstetrics and pediatric care, and a newborn intensive care unit. Significant service at this hospital will have a great impact in adoption advocacy. Please consider donating generously at this year's National Families Supporting Adoption Conference.

NEW Items requested for donation include:
New pajamas, "sleep and play" outfits - size preemie and newborn, cotton receiving blankets, knit caps - size preemie and newborn (pastel colors), fleece blankets - all sizes including bassinet, cradle, and crib, fleece receiving blankets, scrapbook supplies including paper, stickers, punches, templates, etc.

**Cash donation submitted at registration**

Spotlight: Valerie Mechling

2011-04-26T09:08:00.007-06:00

My name is Valerie Mechling and I am currently serving as the Vice Chair over Birth Parent Services. I have been a part of the FSA National Board since early 2009, and I have truly enjoyed being an advocate for adoption in this position.

I placed my son for adoption in 2006 while I was a student at Southern Utah University. When we found out I was pregnant, my boyfriend and I considered getting married, but that plan did not last long, and soon I was left with the enormous decision of what to do with my unplanned pregnancy. It did not remain a question very long!

I am adopted myself. I was almost 19 when I got pregnant, and with all the questions my pregnancy had raised, I decided it was time to seek out my own birth parents. I searched several online registries, and eventually found an entry that matched mine--perfectly. I emailed the poster, a birth father who was looking for his daughter. We exchanged several emails, and at some point, he told me of a letter that he had written to his daughter. I was disappointed, because I didn't have any such letter. I told my parents about it, and my dad went to the safe and came back with a letter my birth father had written! My parents had wanted to find the "right time" to give me the letter, and I suspect they'd forgotten about it. But here it was, a beautiful letter expressing my birth father's love for me. A few weeks later, I was reunited with my birth parents. I have remained close with my birth father and his family ever since.

My experience with my birth family strongly influenced my decision to place my son for adoption. As my pregnancy progressed, I looked at profiles of adoptive couples through LDS Family Services. They were wonderful, but I didn't feel any special connection to them. I was introduced to a couple through mutual friends. We quickly developed a friendship, exchanging "novels", as we called our frequent (and lengthy) emails back and forth. With time and fervent prayer, I decided that this was the family my baby was meant to be with forever. Since placement, we've had an open adoption. They live on the other side of the country, so I don't see them very often, but we have maintained open communication through email, blogs, occasional phone calls and video chats. Adoption has become a very natural part of my life.

Since placement, my life has been incredibly blessed. I graduated from college and moved to northern Utah. For the last two years I have been an instructor at a local Taekwondo studio. I love working with children and teens, and I get to use the excuse "I'm a ninja" for nearly everything I do. It also gives me the opportunity to write, and last summer my book was signed on by a small publishing house, and will soon be released, which is incredibly exciting.

I have absolutely loved being involved with Families Supporting Adoption. It has been interesting for me to watch the growth of our organization as birth parents and birth grandparents have become more involved. I firmly believe that Heavenly Father is watching over us, and that this organization is intended for us all. I hope to see birth families and adoptive families working together in every chapter of FSA. Together we can strengthen the cause of adoption and the cause of eternal families throughout the world.

Celebrating National Professional Social Worker’s Month

2011-04-21T09:00:00.002-06:00

The Colorado FSA Chapter made a special effort to honor social workers in March by preparing and distributing gift baskets to local hospitals. Corrine Christian, regional FSA chair says, "The whole idea behind this is that hospital social workers make a lot of decisions regarding babies left at hospitals or women who decide not to parent upon having the baby there. As well, they work hand in hand with OUR Adoption Managers when the circumstance allows. Social workers in any regard are most under-appreciated and making them a basket of treats and thanks is the least we can do! Also, The social workers are KEY to making sure the Nursing Staff is supportive of a birth parent's decision to place! Many hospitals have some sort of programs that help inform staff on what to do when you have a placement at your hospital but, surprisingly- Many do NOT! Pure education and support in these areas help alleviate the situation much more because staff knows how to handle things better. FSA members can do an education presentation to staff if they do not have one in place. This too is a great way to help FSA and LDSFS be recognized when situations come up! There is such a need for us to build every bridge possible to advocate for adoption and inform every person that LDSFS is here and ready to help build eternal families!"

Look here to see the Colorado blog post about the baskets. For additional information, see the Central Region blog post! Thanks for the great idea!!

International Conference News: Saturday Keynote Speaker, Dr. Karyn Purvis

2011-04-18T09:49:00.004-06:00

Dr. Karyn Purvis earned her doctorate in developmental psychology, specializing in serving at-risk children, and she has spent the last ten years developing research-based interventions for those children. She is a former foster mother with a personal and professional calling to create a welcoming, loving environment for children who come from “hard places.” She serves as an expert witness in court cases of child abuse, testifies for state and national legislation, and speaks frequently to national and international groups. Recent trips have taken her to varied national groups from trainings for judges and CPS workers, to training international parents and professionals in England, Iceland, Scotland, Romania, Rwanda, and Ethiopia. She has eight grand children, two of which are adopted.

Dr. Purvis received her undergraduate degree at TCU and continued on to receive her masters and doctorate in Developmental Psychology from TCU as well. During her time at TCU, Dr. Purvis developed and directed (1999 – present) the Hope Connection, a research and intervention summer day camp for adopted children. She continued her work with this population as the director of the Adoption Project from 2003 -2006. Work from these projects has been featured in NBC Dateline, Fort Worth Weekly, Newsweek, Parents Magazine, and other popular parent magazines. She and her colleague, Dr. David Cross, write for scientific journals, parents magazines, and have co-authored a feature book for McGraw-Hill titled, The Connected Child: Bringing Hope and Healing to your Adoptive Family, which was released Spring 2007. Within six months of publication, The Connected Child earned rank as a best-seller in adoption books. She and her colleague, Dr. David Cross were recently honored with the Dallas business journal Heroes of Healthcare Award. Dr. Purvis was awarded the T. Berry Brazelton, M.D. Infant Mental Health Advocacy Award, a state-wide award for child advocacy. She was also awarded the title of Distinguished Fellow in Adoption and Child Development by the National Council for Adoption. Dr. Purvis was appointed Presiding Officer of the Texas Department of Family and Protective Services Committee on Licensing Standards by Governor Rick Perry.

“Team Adoption”

2011-03-22T11:10:00.010-06:00

American Fork FSA had a great time last summer at the ball park, participating as “Team Adoption” in the Orem City Recreation spring and summer leagues. The teams were put together to offer a variety of FSA participation and community outreach. We were impressed by some old familiar faces that joined our "Team Adoption". We were also pleased at the adoption conversations that were had at the ball park; several competing teams, umpires, and crowd goers asked questions about adoption and shared their own stories of how adoption touched their lives.

In the spring league we had an all men’s team. Although our winning record wouldn’t show it, we had a lot of fun! We had a great dynamic of people, including: adoptive fathers, prospective adoptive fathers, adoptees, husbands of birthmothers, husbands of caseworkers, friends of adoption, and many enthusiastic fans cheering in the crowd.

With the great success of the men’s team, we decided to put together a COED team for the summer league. This COED “Team Adoption” also consisted of a full circle adoption team, including: birth mothers, adoptive mothers, case workers, adoptees and friends of adoption. Some were playing for their first time ever--some old diehards--all together we had a lot of fun! It was exciting watching everyone grow together as a team and as an FSA group.

It was wonderful having all facets of FSA present at these games, it showed the community who is there to support adoption. We hope to continue this successful FSA activity through the 2011 Season!!

Adoption Shirt Design Contest!

2011-03-09T11:21:00.004-07:00

Families Supporting Adoption is looking for a new original design to print on shirts. The new design should promote a positive view of adoption. You can use the "Adoption: It's About Love" slogan, or make up a new one. Shirts with the new design will be available for purchase at the annual conference and through the website. If you have an idea you'd like to submit, send it to fsashirtdesign@gmail.com by April 30, 2011. The person with the winning submission will be given a $30 gift certificate to the FSA store and one free registration to the FSA Conference in Utah on August 12-13.

International Conference NEWS: Child Care

2011-02-25T10:41:00.000-07:00

Childcare will no longer be offered on site at the annual conference. Babes-in-arms are welcome to come with parents, but we ask those attending with infants to be respectful of others listening and presenting in the classes.

Families coming to the conference from out of the area who do not have family and friends nearby have several options for babysitting solutions. FSA is not affiliated with, nor has it investigated or does it endorse any of the resources listed below. Your own judgement and discretion must be used when arranging child care.

The Buddy Bin is a dedicated hourly childcare in North Salt Lake, less than 20 miles south of the Davis Conference Center. They offer child care not just weekdays but also Friday nights and Saturdays from 1 hour to all day for children 6 weeks through 10 years. This may be an ideal solution for many since their hours cover all of the conference hours, including the banquet. Monica, proprietor of The Buddy Bin, has offered a special discount exclusively for FSA Conference attendees. Instead of the regular rate, she is offering the lower "Date Night" rate during the entire conference and meals will be included. Space is limited, especially for children under 2, so you must register with The Buddy Bin early to reserve your spot. Advance registration for The Buddy Bin will open July 1. See the website for additional information and direct any questions to The Buddy Bin.
Many day care centers in the area offer temporary daily care during their business hours, but only have a few spots available before they max out their adult:child ratio. However, it may be difficult to find one with Friday evening and Saturday hours. Registration, even for a single day, is also more detailed with requirements such as vaccination records.
KSL.com is a local resource to find in-home licensed childcare with open spots. In-home locations may be more willing to do offer temporary child care and Saturday hours. The site also often has listings for nannies-for-hire.
Using www.sittercity.com, parents can post a job and interview applicants, some of whom have completed background checks. There are sitters willing to tend children at your hotel or in their own home.
We are working on compiling a list of local young women available for babysitting jobs during the conference. To request this list, please send an email to fsachildcare@yahoo.com after April 1, 2011.

Cedar City's Birth Mother's Day Brunch

2011-02-02T10:34:00.000-07:00

In 2010, we had our First Annual (we hope it becomes annual) Birth Mother's Day Brunch. It was a very sweet and touching experience.

We had a wonderful meal prepared by our activity chairs. Following that we had a short program including Keri who is our Education Chair and a Birth Mother. She briefly shared her story and her heartfelt insight. Next we had Jared speak. Jared is the LCSW over adoptions at our LDSFS and we are lucky enough to have him be very involved in our FSA. He shared a story, thoughts, and gratitude for these birth mothers. The whole room was in tears.

He then presented each birth mother in attendance with a rose. It was such a special activity. Like I mentioned before, we look forward to doing it every year.

Finding Friday: Pass Along Cards

2011-01-28T10:21:00.001-07:00

{Finding Idea: Create and pass out pass along cards.}

Photographers Kim Orlandini and Leisha Kelsey give some fantastic information on selecting perfect photos for Internet profiles, collages and pass along cards.

When selecting photos these are things to consider:

Is my subject close enough?
What is the first thing I think of when I see this photograph?
Does this photograph tell a story?
What do I like about it?
What do I dislike about it?
What about lighting?
Does the clothing distract?

These are guidelines they suggested when taking photos:

Move in close to the subject.
Eliminate distractions from around the the subjects.
Get on level with the subject.
Employ the "Rule of Thirds."

Here are a few ideas when it comes to sharing pass along cards. Please share any others you may have in the comments.

Slip one in any letter or bill that you send out
Holiday cards: New Years, Valentine’s, Fourth of July
Hang them up where’er you go: grocery stores, apartment complexes, car washes, community bulletin boards, etc.
Keep them handy in your wallet or purse.
Staying in tune for opportunities to share!
Asking trusted family and friends to share them as well.
Leave a pass along card with your bill at restaurants.
If you see a “business card” drop box, drop one in.
If someone asks about your family, pull out a “family photo” conveniently disguised as a pass along card and leave it with them. Perfect opportunity to talk about your desire to adopt.
Don’t be afraid, even if you don’t feel comfortable sharing your own story, share the agency cards!
Email Pass Along Card to everyone in your address book, ask to forward it on!

Kim and Leisha were kind enough to share some of their card designs with all of us. The wording that they used on the cards is wonderful if you are thinking about making pass along cards for yourself. If you are interested in some of their designs, please email Leisha Kelsey Design.

Traditional Designs

Contemporary Designs

Fourth Sheet Information Cards

The information on the above fourth sheet is wonderful in helping your family and friends know how to specifically help your finding efforts.

Hi everyone. We wanted to give you a little update on what is happening with our adoption. We are just waiting (sometimes even patiently). they say the average wait is three years, which hopefully means we are half way there!

We have grown to love adoption and wanted to remind you about Designated Adoption. Designated adoption is when the birthparents and adoptive parents find each other through a third party. We hope that you will keep us in mind if there is anyone you know who is considering placing their child. Feel free to tell the birthparent(s) and adoptive family about each other; sharing information such as first names, personality traits, talents, hobbies, interests, goals, education and involvement with extended family. We would love to share our profile with anyone who s interested. Just let us know and we'll get you a copy.

We are always willing to talk about our adoption and give you more information, feel free to ask us anytime. you or the birthparent(s) may also contact our caseworker of LDS Family Services at any time to request information, including adoption planning. Thank you for your love and support!

Name and Phone Number of Case Worker

Your blog, personal website or internet profile address.

2010 Outstanding Service Awards

2011-01-26T21:16:00.004-07:00

The 2010 Outstanding Service Award Winners

Oregon Chapter

The members of the Oregon FSA Board were a vital key to the success of the FSA West and Idaho Regional Conference which was held in Portland, Oregon in November 2009. Throughout a year of continual change and reorganization within LDS Family Services and FSA, Oregon board members maintained their focus and desire to provide a conference of the highest quality and caliber fir attendees. As plans expanded for the conferences to host not just the original 3 chapters but all 17 FSA chapters within the West and Idaho region, they willingly and with unlimited energy dedicated hundreds of volunteer hours to meet the challenge. Despite the year-long preparation and numerous responsibilities added to those already required of them to keep their chapter running well, the enthusiasm and dedication of those involved never waned. They recognized the potential such a conference presented to touch the heart and lives of each member of the adoption triad--adoptive families, birth families and adoptees alike.

Nevada Chapter

The Nevada chapter of Families Supporting Adoption has become part of LDS Families Services' team in delivering quality service. They created a Birth Parent Support and Outreach committee to mentor and provide support for expectant and birth parents, plan activities to include all birth parents, reach out to stakes and community with outreach, and facilitate support groups. They also created a volunteer committee responsible for language interpreters, notary services, and witnesses for relinquishments. They volunteered time to set up displays for adoption month in November and delivered baskets to local hospitals for social work month. They also planned many well planned and attended activities throughout the year. These are just a few of the many accomplishments of the Nevada chapter in the past year.

Logan, Utah Chapter

The Logan FSA Chapter's activities and accomplishments for 2010: They held many activities throughout the year including Girls Night Out, playgroups, Couples in Waiting FHE, temple sessions, Couples Date Night, Summer BBQ, parade float, Fun Run, UAC and others. They provided many services for birth parents: treats for group meetings, bags for birth parents, outreach and Birth Mother's Day celebrations. They actively support legislation, meet monthly for brainstorming meetings and make sure everyone is involved and informed about upcoming events and activities. The Logan FSA chapter is indispensable to our Logan LDSFS. They are committed and excited to serve and enlist others to participate.

Provo, Utah Chapter

For the past several years, the Provo FSA Chapter has hosted a birth mother appreciation walk on Birth Mother's Day. It is widely advertised and well attended. FSA members spend countless hours planning and preparing to make this a special day to celebrate birth parents everywhere. Treats, games, breakfast, fire trucks and a visit with Cosmo make this a fun day for everyone.

Doug & Marianne Zaugg, Colorado Chapter

The Colorado FSA has exploded in the last year. After Doug & Marianne Zaugg attended the 2009 National Conference, a fire was lit. FSA became part of Colorado's Adoption Council which originally consisted only of the adoption caseworker, Kelly Stohl and Lynn, the administrative assistant. The addition of FSA to the team made Kelly's work lighter and more open to birth parent work. Where their FSA Board was basically non-existent, they now have 8 couples. FSA has taken on orientation, organizing temple sessions, planned a very successful regional conference and more especially gained a testimony of adoption and support. The original 6 couples on the board have now all been placed with. Because of Doug and Marianne's hard work and Kelly Stohl's passion, FSA members now feel a commitment to their program. They have a fabulous FSA community.

Todd & Rebecca Harrison, West Region Chairs

Todd & Rebecca chaired the very successful two day FSA Regional Adoption Conference "Adoption by Design" in November 2009, which was held in Portland, Oregon and was attended by approximately 170 people. This conference included FSA chapters in Oregon, Washington, Alaska, Idaho, California and Hawaii. This conference made a significant impact on many families and individuals including adoptive families and birthparents and their families. Todd & Rebecca recently traveled to Seattle and Spokane in support of local FSA chapters, have joined in bridge calls with adoption managers in coordinating FSA chapter efforts, have also worked directly with local FSA chapter leaders in providing support, training and encouragement and developed a conference "template" to assist other FSA groups and chapters in the organization of their annual conferences.

Tawnia Singleton, Seattle Advisor
Tara Larsen, Seattle Advisor

This last year, Tawnia Singleton and Tara Larsen's wealth of experience and knowledge of adoption gave them the unique ability to strengthen FSA in the areas of Education & Outreach. First, they developed an Education Program for Adoptive Couples which has the potential to greatly improve the relationship and overall adoption experience between adoptive families and birth families. These education programs are currently being used as part of the required education program in Seattle and Tawnia and Tara are teaching them to other FSA Chapters as invited. Second, they developed an Adoption Outreach Presentation which can be used to teach adoption in high schools, middle schools institute, or even Young Men and Young Women's classes as appropriate. Tawnia and Tara trained those who attended the meeting to present it. It was an outstanding presentation that also has the added bonus of being easily adapted for use by other agencies in a different state. Those in attendance for the training consisted of adoptive couples, stake specialists and birthmothers as well.

Mike Todd, Canada

Mike Todd has worked tirelessly over many years to further the success of adoption in Canada. He has served birth parents and adoptive parents alike. He has been instrumental in developing positive relationships between private agencies and government departments, especially in British Columbia. He has encouraged the growth of FSA. He has taught and trained agency birth parent reps across Canada and FSA representatives in British Columbia. He has blessed the lives of many families and his influence will continue to be felt through those he has trained and mentored. This award is presented in recognition of his sincere and effective efforts to teach, lift and inspire others, and for the very significant effect he has had upon the work of adoption in Canada.

The 2010 Outstanding Service Award

Q & A: Adopting Children from Foster Care

2011-01-23T22:04:00.004-07:00

Questions and Answers: Adopting Children from Foster Care

By Brenda Horrocks, Licensed Foster Parent

Q: We would like to adopt a non-infant child. What is the best way to go about this?

A: My suggestion is to become a licensed foster parent. This will benefit you in many ways:

You will have more opportunities for adoption. Foster parents are usually chosen to adopt the child in their care if the court decides to terminate parental rights.
Once you are licensed, the state will share your home study with other states. So you can try to find your little one by becoming a foster parent, while at the same time looking at waiting children online to see if anyone is a good fit. (State laws on sharing home studies may vary.)
Fostering and the training you receive will provide you with important skills and knowledge that will help you assist your new child in adjusting to a new home. The experience you gain will also prepare you to better help your child with any issues he or she may be dealing with.
In the state of Utah, if a child is age five or under, the parents are given only a certain number of months to get their act together before they lose their rights. The judge can always issue a little more time, but federal laws also apply, so the wait can't go on and on forever.
Fostering different children may help you get to know the age that is right for your family.
Being a foster parent comes with a few perks. The state sends you money each month to help you take care of the child. In Utah, a child under age five is automatically eligible for WIC services, and when you do adopt, your own attorney’s fees will be reimbursed to you. In the end you pay nothing, and the state has "paid" you for your time in caring for your child. These are just perks—money is no reason to become a foster parent.

You will learn more about the help the state can give you to take care of children as you go through training. This assistance will vary from state to state.

Q: We would like to adopt a young child through our state, but we are worried about how we will handle it if we have say good-bye to the child. How do you handle saying good-bye?

A: There is no easy way to say good-bye to a child you love. We were scared about that too and thought we couldn't handle it. We have now said good-bye to two infants who were in our home six and eight months. The first time was really hard, but it was a little easier the second time around. I can now see that the Lord had a plan for each of these babies and that they needed to go back to their families. Their parents are not A+ parents; they are more like C or D parents—but I know the Lord has a plan for each of these children.

Some things that helped us in saying good-bye:

We developed a friendly relationship with our foster babies’ parents, and so after they returned to their families, we were still able to find out how they were doing. We even had the opportunity to see one of our foster babies again and to have him at our home overnight.
We realized that even thought it was hard to say good-bye, we were thankful for the opportunity to love these children, and we realized that we helped give them a good start. The pain of good-bye was worth it because we got to know them and love them.
We connected with others who understood. Blogging about our experience was especially helpful.
We kept special little keepsakes to remember our foster babies and our experiences together.

Saying good-bye is hard, but it is important to not let fear get in the way of your family-building efforts. The Lord will help you through your grief.

Q: We are licensed foster parents and would like to adopt a waiting child. What do we do?

A: In Utah, once you are licensed you can contact the Utah Adoption Exchange and let them know what you are looking for. They could be a huge help to you. You can view Utah's waiting children at THIS link. You don't typically see children five years or younger on this site. Because of the way foster care works in Utah (which has better laws than probably any other state), now children age five or younger are usually adopted without needing Utah Adoption Exchange services because most of them are adopted by their foster parents or a family who is already in the system.

Each state has its own way of doing things. If you live outside of Utah, please contact your state’s division of child/family services or find your local heart gallery (waiting children from Utah are listed here also): http://www.heartgalleryofamerica.org/Galleries/default.asp .

Finding Friday: Adoption Open House/Kick Off Party

2011-01-07T11:12:00.000-07:00

{Finding Idea: Have an Adoption Kick Off Party}

Hold an adoption open house/special meeting/kick off:

Invite family and friends to come and listen to an FSA volunteer or an LDS Family Services caseworker give an outreach presentation.
Explain adoption and how your family and friends can help you connect with a birth family.
Have a laptop running your adoption web pages so your family and friends can see them first hand.
Pass out information packets.

Oregon FSA Education Meeting

2010-12-13T11:16:00.000-07:00

I loved our June education meeting because of the chance I have to interact with other adoptive families and share experiences. I also love meeting couples who are new to the adoption process and see them become excited about adoption. I thought our birth family panel was great as well as the discussion about openness and boundaries.

~Carrie Conklin, Co-Chair, Proud Parent through Adoption

About thirty adoptive parents and birth moms attended our recent education meeting on Saturday, June 6. It’s always fun to get together with friends who have been touched by adoption and to meet new friends who are just starting the adoption process. We had two amazing birth mothers share their stories. Anna had just placed her baby three weeks earlier, so her feelings were fresh and full of emotion. Her strength and maturity and eternal perspective were impressive and it was easy to get excited about adopting because of her enthusiasm and great attitude, even though it was clear how much grief she was experiencing. Nichole also shared her story. She placed almost two years ago and since then has gotten married and become a huge advocate for adoption. Nichole also was strong and full of faith. She shared how hard her placement was, but how time and an open adoption have helped her heal and be happy. Both women shared their feelings about having an open adoption and how a loving connection with the adoptive families helped them. I felt reassured and full of hope when both women said that when they looked through adoption profiles, they both knew when they found the parents for their baby. For both women it was a spiritual decision and they knew deep in their hearts that their baby was meant for the adoptive family. Hearing that is reassuring! We had lunch and then had a brainstorming session collecting ideas for networking and finding our babies. We discussed how to hand out passalong cards, and came up with many ideas to spread the word about our hope to adopt and adoption in general. Then Brent, an adoption caseworker, gave some great tips and advice for creating healthy boundaries and relationships with birth families. He said that being realistic with our expectations and showing mutual respect for each other’s emotions and vulnerabilities is important. And he said that if the relationship is strained, be reassured that you can re- connect when respect, trust, and the circumstances are right. We finished the day with a short discussion about infertility and how to have joy despite the sorrow that comes from wanting a family.

~Michelle Coxey Education Chair, Proud Parent through Adoption

Notes by Desha Wood, a blogger, an adoption advocate and a birth mother:

The day started out with a birthmom panel and there were 2 birthmoms in the audience as well. Nicole (21) was 2 years post-placement and Anna (16) was 3 weeks post-placement. Patty, Anna’s mom, sat on the panel as well. Both used itsaboutlove.com to find their babies' families. Both have open adoptions.

Both shared their stores and adoption journey, and Patty added her perspective as a birthgrandma. Nicole's doctor originally suggested adoption and her dad brought it up again 6 months later. She prayed and felt a “thank you” and that people out there needed a child. Anna wasn’t sure about adoption until she came across P&R’s profile, she knew immediately that they needed this baby.

Nicole came from a place of time and healing, while Anna was fresh with the raw emotions of birth and placement. Yet resounding strength, faith and peace with their adoption choices was common between them. Patty’s words as a loving mother watching her beautiful young daughter make such a personal sacrifice were tear jerking and pulled at everyone’s heartstrings.

Nicole's advice for adoptive couples: Adoptive parents need to be really flexible to birthmothers needs/wants as they constantly change.

Patty's advice for adoptive couples: Get to know the birthgrandma! That desire to love and protect your own is very strong. Walmart is just down the road! Keep in touch- text, call, etc. to include the birthmom after placement.

Additional thoughts: It's important for the birthmother to see the love between the adoptive parents that they have for each other; it’s important to see the love the Adoptive Dad will have for the baby.

Q’s from the audience:

What did you look for in a profile?

In the letter – love and thanks immediately, cute pictures, reassurance that the child will know of the birthmother's love. Nicole liked that the couple had written about each other, “cute couple." A creative unique tag-line, listen to the Spirit, include lots of individualized personal info to increase the chances of a birthmother finding that connection.

What role does the adoptive family play in your future relationships?

Just be there, be an outlet, a resource, an example.

What gifts did you receive at placement?

Nicole: A second chance at life.

Anna: A scrapbook of all the emails and such. She had written to the couple and the baby during the pregnancy, letters from P&R, picture. A gift cert to her favorite clothing store for her birthday.

Desha and Melissa both received sentimental jewelry

Names.

Adoptive couples get worried that if the birthmom doesn’t like the name then she won’t
pick them!? There are unique situations for choosing the name to be explored by each birthmom/adoptive couple. The baby was always ‘theirs’ to name what they want to.

What about imperfections, do we include that in our profiles?
(Personality traits, hoarding clutter, procrastination, etc.) First and foremost we want you to be human, be honest, find a way to spin it positive.

The birthmother panel was awesome!

There was lots of emotions and sharing of treasured experiences, there was a lot to be learned from these women and their incredible journeys. Lunch was pizza and fresh fruit, giving couples a chance to meet each other and mingle amongst themselves and with the birthmoms, as well as watch Anna’s adoption story video.

After lunch started with a discussion on FINDING vs waiting.

We talked about pass along cards and the packet Someone Is Missing was handed out. We talked about ways to promote adoption in general if perhaps you’re not yet approved or not able to adopt at the moment. Most of the couples at this meeting were just getting started with paperwork, so a lot of these ideas were brand new and inspiring for them.

Our finding list:

Pass along cards
Online profile – get someone to help you with the technical end (getting your pics to cycle at the right speed and in the right place, no cut off heads and text, etc.)
Parent profiles – Carrie was chosen via parent profiles – be prepared for scammers
Other agencies besides LDSFS
Send a letter to friends and family – include pass along cards
Participate in FSA
Fast with a purpose and be specific
Blessing
Facebook – create an adoption group page
Blog – create an adoption blog
Ward Council
Get to know the birthmoms
Craigslist – place an ad
Remember to UPDATE your profile regularly!

The next presentation was OPENNESS.

It was taught by LDSFS adoption supervisor at the time Brent Cichoski. Brent passed out handouts – Adoption Language Worksheet – Positive vs. Negative, Fears and Feelings Paralleling the Adopting Parent and the Birth Parents' Perspectives, Healthy Boundaries Packet, Openness- The Circle of Adoption Packet.

There are three types of boundaries – healthy, collapsed and rigid.

It’s important to determine what your personal boundaries are like--what boundaries are like in all of your relationships. It is really easy to become enmeshed with a birthparent. We discussed what being enmeshed means to you and how to get out? Using the checkpoints in the boundaries packet can help prevent a relationship form becoming enmeshed. Enmeshed relationship = you have no balance of power. You tend to be either overly responsible and controlling or passive and dependent. Your wants needs and feelings are secondary to others. You ignore your inner voice. You tend to absorb the feelings of others. You rely on others opinions, feelings and ideas. You allow others to define your limits. You compromise your values and beliefs in order to please others.

The Audience Discussion:

Concerns About Open Adoption:

Birthparents showing up at the doorstep.
Wanting the baby back
Identity confusion for an older child

Some Advantages to Open Adoption:

Insights form the birthparent(s)
Get to great people
See how much the birthparent(s) love the child
No mystery about the birth father
Health/medical information
‘The more we know, the better we feel.'

Obstacles in open adoption:

Its WORK – it’s harder than it sounds!
Defining roles
You hear stuff that hurts

How open?:

Expectations are dynamic - always changing
Don’t agree to something if you are not comfortable, instead say you will ‘consider’…
Establish realistic expectations

Expectations:

**All frustration comes with unmet expectations**
Take the offense
Flexibility – reevaluate as needed
Agree!
Couples – you can't take away the grief and pain – be respectful of changing emotions as the birthparents grieve – be prepared for the anger (a normal step in the grieving process) to be directed full throttle at you. KEEP YOUR PROMISES!

Birthparents – remember that adoptive parents are humans with fears insecurities and vulnerabilities; be respectful of their roles, devotion and authority to your child.

Open adoption red flags were discussed:

Co-parenting
Toxic Behaviors
‘Invite Myself’
No Babysitting
Unrealistic Expectations
Manipulation
Consider keeping family events and holidays separate – no backhanded invitations - don’t invite the birth family to events unless you actually want them there and are prepared to deal with other friends/family reactions
Opinions and overall uneducated-ness regarding open adoption.

Brent guided the discussion through how to handle disagreements and then talked about the shift in the birthparent/adoptive parent relationship. He talked about how at first all the attention is on the birthmom. Then the baby is born and all the attention shifts to the baby. Birthparents often feel like and/or get lost and ignored in this transition. They have an inner struggle, "Am I a mom or not?" The birthmom might change the dynamic of the friendship as she struggles with her feelings of rejection anger and hurt. Trust is critical in this shift. As an adoptive parent remember your agreement, the expectations you have set with your self and the birthparents, and do your best to be extra mindful of the delicate relationship. “Painful experiences can be the gateway to growth”.

After Brent's Power Point presentation the topic was turned to a discussion on infertility.

Infertility.

Michelle showed the video clip, Create by Pres Uchtdorf.

After the clip played she simply asked what feelings that brought out--if anyone might be willing to share. There wasn’t much in the way of response besides lots of sniffles. I spoke up and said I felt like the video clip would leave an infertile woman feeling very sorry for herself, crappy even, the desire to create life, babies, a family, is huge and here is a GA telling you to go create and the one thing you want to create, you can't! And I’m sure infertility has been a means for all the other hobbies and creative resources to be maxed out! Enough sewing, painting, knitting, cooking, and bogging already, you want to create babies and your family! But adoption is awesome because it allows the utmost creation, I was privileged enough to be able to create a body for this lil spirit and his adoptive mom will get to create who he is, the man he will grow to be, by being his mother. We both play an important role, we both get the joy and blessings that come from this unique ability to create, that in and of itself, to me, is a miracle. To be able to mold shape guide direct and influence this new life is a wonderful opportunity to create- to create your family, a new dynamic with your spouse, new traditions and experience, and to create a new ‘you,’ the you that is mother… don’t short change yourself and your role in that just because you didn’t literally create the physical bodies of your children.

We briefly talked about the importance of acknowledging the pain, finding joy in the sorrow, being a support for one another, and that God is ever mindful.

Finding Friday: Open Your Mouth

2010-12-10T23:10:00.000-07:00

{Finding Idea: Tell Everyone You Know of Your Hope to Adopt and Encourage Them to Spread the Word}

Personal Communication:

Verbally let your family and friends know of your desire to adopt.
Look for opportunities to talk about adoption and share your desires with others.
Encourage family and friends to share your information with others.
Don't be afraid to speak up, ask questions and share your hopes!

URGENT CALL TO ACTION

2010-11-17T15:50:00.005-07:00

Hi FSA Members and Friends,

I am forwarding an email I received from Steve Sunday and NCFA about a need for phone calls and emails (not letters in this case) to our Representatives (not Senators) in the United States House of Representatives urging him or her to help pass some federal legislation that would help kids from Haiti and other international adoptees in the process of obtaining citizenship here in the United States.

The NCFA email is kind of long and uses the legal language of the legislation. I am attaching some links that simplify the issues.

http://www.gop.gov/bill/111/2/hr5283 (go to the BACKGROUND Section)

http://www.adoptionpolicy.org/ (This article says the bill will go to the President and we hope so, but the bill may be "tabled" before it gets there, thereby preventing it from becoming law.)

So, take a second and call or email. For example, in Utah call or email your representative who is one of the following:

Rob Bishop 202.225.0453 (website www.robbishop.house.gov)

Jason Chafetz 202.225.7751 (website www.chafetz.house.gov)

Jim Matheson 202.225.3011 (website www.matheson.house.gov)

(For example, I just called Congressman Chaftez's office and let the secretary know I was in support of helping expedite international adoptions, especially those from Haiti at this time, and would urge the Congressman to pay attention to this bill.)

To find contact information for your Representative simply go to www.house.gov and enter in your zip code in the top left corner. Your Representative's information will show up.

Here's a sample email that you may use:

I am in support of helping expedite international adoptions, especially those from Haiti at this time, and would urge the Congressman to pay attention to this bill.

International Adoption Simplification Act – S. 1376 and the Help Haiti Act of 2010 – HR 5283

Thank for all you do!

Let's spread the word! Thank you for your help! I am available to take questions sent to myutahlawyer@gmail.com.

Michelle Mitchell

FSA National, Legislation

Please Note: Please only represent yourself as a concerned citizen and not as LDSFS or FSA.

LDS Family Needed

2010-11-16T08:35:00.000-07:00

Contact Kathy Searle at the Utah Adoption Exchange if you are interested in adopting Sophie.

801.265.0444

Sophie was born on September 18, 1997 in Vladivostok Russia. Her mother was unable to care for her so she was raised in a Russian orphanage until she was adopted in August of 2001. Her current adoptive family adopted participated in some humanitarian work with “Mothers for the Children of Russia”.

Sophie made the transition from the orphanage to family life quickly. She learned English at a surprisingly fast rate. Due to some inaccuracies with the paperwork in Russia she was put in kindergarten earlier than she should have. This resulted in her repeating kindergarten. She was in regular classes until 3rd grade when she was moved to a “cluster class” that could help more closely with the learning challenges that she brought with her from the orphanage. The closer supervision of the cluster class has allowed her to learn at the pace that she needs. Sophie is now a couple of months into 7th grade.

Sophie enjoys outside activities such as riding her bike and scooter, jumping on the trampoline (flips included) playing soccer and basketball. Her favorite is playing “horse” where her good shot with a basketball makes it not matter that she is shorter than average. She loves a swimming pool, particularly ones that have slides and water toys to play on. Inside, she likes doing word search puzzles. She enjoys video games like any kid, but mostly the more active ones like baseball, bowling and boxing on the Wii. She is just beginning on the piano, but has an innate musical desire. In one visit to the orphanage, she was given the choice to play with any toy available and she chose the xylophone. While that talent is not developed there yet, the desire is in her.

Soon after Sophie’s adoption, an auto accident started a long journey with a rare autoimmune disease in her new adoptive mother. This condition causes her mom to be in bed much of the time and on oxygen. Stress increases her symptoms. Sophie has had a difficult time with her mothers’ illness and has great fears of loosing her mother. She has been diagnosed with attachment issues. Because of her mother’s illness Sophie was with a respite family for 6 months last year and did very well. When she returned home attachments issues resurfaced and her mothers health also declined.

Sophie has been with a respite family for 3 months now and has done quite well. She needs a family that can love her and dedicate themselves to helping her flourish. This family would not be looking for another adoptive home if the adoptive mothers’ health was not so precarious. They feel they don’t have the emotional and physical resources to truly give her what she needs.

Nice Moment from the Northeast Regional Conference

2010-11-01T14:45:00.010-06:00

The Northeast Regional FSA Conference was recently held in Kirtland, Ohio. At the end of the conference, they held a balloon launch signifying the end of a very successful event.

What a fun idea!

2010 Friends of Adoption Award Winner: Loralee Freeman

2010-08-19T22:45:00.000-06:00

FSA International Board Co-Chair Val Hochheiser presents the Friends of Adoption Award to Doug Gardner who accepts it in behalf of Loralee Freeman.

Loralee Freeman has been a licensed foster mother through the Michigan Agency since December 1999. Since that time, she has cared for over 50 infants until they could be placed with their forever family. She provides such loving care for these special children. Additionally, she is a parent of five adopted children. She has always been committed to adoption and has a great love for children. The Agency can always count on her to accept a foster placement when it is needed. The service she renders blesses the lives of the birth parents, adoptive couples, and the child.

2010 Friends of Adoption Award Winner: Sherrie Bass

2010-08-17T22:21:00.000-06:00

FSA International Board Co-Chair Phil Hochheiser presents the Friends of Adoption Award to Jean Earhart who accepts it in behalf of Sherrie Bass.

Sherrie coordinates the birth parent volunteer program for LDS Family Services in North and South Carolina. Sherrie oversees and organizes over 20 birth parent volunteers in two states. She single-handedly supervises and trains all the volunteers. She conducts monthly birth parent volunteer meetings and is there to help and support the volunteers. Sherrie plans and coordinates the agency's semi-annual volunteer trainings in both Raleigh and Charlotte, NC. She also attends weekly staff meetings to update case work performed by the volunteers and makes follow up phone calls. Sherrie is an active FSA member and supports her local chapter by her participation and membership. She loves to work with couples who are new to adoption and help them through their adoptive journey. She and her husband, Mike are the adoptive parents to 4 beautiful children.

2010 Friends of Adoption Award Winner: Virginia Arnold

2010-08-15T21:19:00.000-06:00

Jon Pingree introduces Friends of Adoption Award Winner, Virginia Arnold.

Virgina has been the group facilitator for the Boise, ID birth mom support group for over five years. She is often the person that connects to birth parents enough to get them to meet with a caseworker and discuss options for their children. She has an amazing ability to establish rapport and has been a positive influence. Virginia has assisted other offices in starting birth parent groups, including traveling to teach other facilitators how to conduct groups. She has led many presentations on birth parents in the community. She assists in holding an annual birth mom appreciation dinner. Virginia runs the 1-800 phone service 24 hours a day, seven days a week for people who want to talk about an unplanned or crisis pregnancy. Virginia was one of the first stake representatives to present services that LDS Family Services offers to stakes, and has also trained other stake representatives. Virginia recently attended a house hearing to advocate for protecting Idaho law and the birth father registry. Virginia is a birth parent herself, and shares her experience and love of birth moms with others. Virginia has literally spent countless hours promoting adoption, and has done it all as a volunteer.

2010 Friends of Adoption Award Winner: Mark & Elizabeth Pierce

2010-08-14T09:14:00.000-06:00

FSA International Board Co-Chairs Phil & Val Hochheiser (left) presented the Friends of Adoption Awards. John Hill accepts the awards on behalf of Mark and Elizabeth Pierce.

Mark and Elizabeth Pierce have adopted 2 children from LDS Family Services. For 5 years, Mark and Elizabeth served on the Utah Adoption Council (UAC); Mark served on the Education Committee while Elizabeth served on the Legislative Committee. This was a rewarding experience that developed their networking capabilities and polished their leadership skills. From the beginning of their application process, Mark and Elizabeth were active volunteers with the LDS Family Services, Families Supporting Adoption, Farmington Chapter. Mark and Elizabeth also served as Co-Chairs. During this time, they gave direction to the other board members and assisted in their responsibilities. Currently, Elizabeth is serving as Farmington's Volunteer Coordinator. "I have found my place," suggest Elizabeth. She loves meeting with stake volunteers, giving presentation to groups, and working with her advisor to plan future goals. Also during this time, Mark and Elizabeth have received 7 birth mothers in foster care for the agency.

2010 Hall of Fame Award Winner: Gladney Center for Adoption

2010-08-04T08:45:00.003-06:00

Steve Sunday, Group Manager for Children Services for LDS Family Services presents Frank Garrott, President and CEO of Gladney Center for Adoption with the Hall of Fame Award.

The Gladney Center for Adoption is committed to providing loving homes for children; a caring environment for birth parents; supportive services for Gladney families and adoptees; and assistance to orphans and underserved children throughout the world.

This video about Gladney was shown during the banquet.

The Conference SWAG Bags

2010-08-02T14:51:00.009-06:00

A special thank you to all those who donated and filled the conference attendee bags with such wonderful information, coupons and treats!

MommyCast
LDS Infertility
Kertsin Daynes author of Infertility: Help, Hope, and Healing
Signing Time!
the r house couture
SimplyUT
National Council For Adoption
Adoptive Families Magazine
the r house
Ashley Hansen Bigler author of Once Upon a Time: An Adoption Story
Birthmothers 4 Adoption
The Healing Group
Open Adoption Bloggers
Winsor Photography
Halene Peterson Dahlstrom author The Very Best Thing for TJ
ruby jane boutique
Space for Faces
ak studio & design
Wasatch Woman Magazine
Salt Lake Home Rebate
Hoping to Adopt.org
Birth Mother Baskets
EMK Press
Parent Profiles
Kelsey Stewart author of The Best for You
LDS Living Magazine

Thank you for your generosity!

National Conference NEWS: Keynote Address Live Streamed

2010-07-31T04:43:00.000-06:00

Former BYU Cougar, 2001 Heisman Trophy Candidate, current BYU Coach ...and Adoptive Father, BRANDON DOMAN will be this year's keynote speaker. You won't want to miss it!

Even if you are not able to attend the conference, we still want to include you! Brandon Doman's Saturday morning keynote address will be live streamed on the Internet from 9:30 to 10:40 a.m MST.

You need only click THIS ADDRESS to enjoy the keynote address with those at the conference. The Internet video will be about a minute or two behind the live event from the Davis Conference Center.

Here is the entire url in case the link above fails you: http://stream.lds.org/2222-123456

Join us!

Share your Conference Photos & Moments

2010-07-28T05:14:00.001-06:00

We know you will have a great time at this year's National Conference!

Share and connect with others at the conference and those that couldn't make it this year.

Find us on Twitter: @NationalFSA

Use #FSAconf in your tweet to connect with others at the conference.

Find us on Facebook: www.facebook.com/NationalFSA

Upload your photos from the conference to share with others (make sure you have permission from each person in the photo to post it on the facebook page) as well as favorite moments, quotes and things you are learning.

Boise FSA is MOO'ved by Adoption

2010-07-27T09:53:00.001-06:00

Boise FSA entered a float in the Meridian Dairy Days Parade (local city parade). Our theme had to be dairy related, so we chose,

"We are 'MOO'ved by adoption".

We had a truck hold up our sign, gear, and people that needed to ride.

Then we had a 4-wheeler pulling a children's train of 5 cars. The kids got to ride in the cars and wave to the people. Then we have walkers and strollers to pass out candy, adoption pencils, and frisbees to the crowds.

We orders the yellow FSA shirts, so that everyone coordinated. We really feel like it promoted positive feelings for adoption in our community. It's really fun to hear people in the crowd cheering excitedly and announcing that they are adopted too. Our Float won 3rd place for non profit floats. Yea!

National Conference NEWS: 2010 Award List

2010-07-25T03:43:00.006-06:00

Congratulations to the following for their outstanding service in the adoption community.
(Awards will be given at the 2010 National Conference.)

Gladney Center for Adoption
Hall of Fame Award

Mark & Elizabeth Pierce
Friends of Adoption Award

Loralee Freeman
Friends of Adoption Award

Virginia Arnold
Friends of Adoption Award

Sherrie Bass
Friends of Adoption Award

FSA Chapter Awards for Outstanding Service

Nevada Chapter

Oregon Chapter

Utah Logan Chapter

Utah Provo Chapter

FSA Outstanding Service Awards Chapter Awards for Individuals and Couples

Doug & Marianne Zaugg, Colorado Chapter

Todd & Rebecca Harrison, Northwest Region Chairs

Tawnia Singleton, FSA Advisor Seattle

Tara Larsen, FSA Advisor Seattle

Mike Todd, Canada

Colton FSA Goes to the Beach and Wants S'more!

2010-07-24T04:45:00.000-06:00

Our FSA social activity at the beach this past weekend was a total hit! We had a good number of people out and found the perfect location to accommodate our growing families. The weather stayed cool but was still warm enough for us to splash around. Later in the day the waves reached fantastic heights! The monster waves were a slight shock at first but the teenagers and adults sure enjoyed the rush! They also made a great little pool area for the little ones to play in and build sand castles around. We cooked some delish hot dogs in the fire pit for lunch and enjoyed one member's specialty melted chocolate s'mores for dessert! They were so YUM!

Our little ones (ever the missionaries!) easily made friends with the families around us. This provided some of our members with the opportunity to explain to those families who we were and why we were gathering. It was all very casual conversation but always nice to bring adoption in a positive light to the forefront of someone's mind - after all isn't that what FSA is all about? All in all we had a pretty fun, relaxing beach day and can't wait until our next social activity planned for August!

~ Your Friends at FSA Colton

National Conference NEWS: Art Exhibit

2010-07-21T05:03:00.000-06:00

Call to Artists and Those who Love Art

We are looking for art to put on display during our annual Families Supporting Adoption Conference this July 30th and 31st. We all have been touched by the miracle of adoption and know how bitter and sweet that journey is. This is an opportunity to share a piece of your journey with others.

Here are some ideas to get your creative juices flowing:

All types and mediums of art and crafting
Photography
Sculpture
Poetry
Paintings
Quilts made for birth parents from adoptive couples or quilts from birth families to children and adoptive couples
Children's depictions of adoption through drawings, painting, clay, etc.
Turn a photo into a coloring page and have children color or paint them (befunky offers this options as well as a bunch of other really cool options for photo editing.)

Deadline: July 30th

If you're planning on displaying some art please email Rebecca with a photo of the art work, and a little about it so that we can best prepare for your piece. However, you won't be turned away if you bring something the day of. Please remember that all art pieces must be appropriate for all audiences and are subject to refusal if inappropriate.

Children's art and other submissions can be dropped off before the conference starts on Friday, July 30th at 9 a.m. at the Registration Desk. Please include the artist's name and phone number on the back of the piece

Please email Rebecca at jrmstaley@filertel.com with any questions.

San Diego FSA Sets at the San Diego Fair

2010-07-20T08:18:00.000-06:00

Erin Packard, Chairperson

This year San Diego FSA set up a booth at the San Diego Fair. "This was our first year at the fair, so it was definitely a learning experience. We were kinda tucked in a corner next to the Narcotics Anonymous booth (who, I must say, were some of the nicest and most polite people I have met) and the Eckankar booth," Erin Packard, San Diego's FSA Chairperson commented.

She pointed out that she got some pointers for how to get a higher traffic area next time, and some ideas to spruce up the booth (and even win prize money to go toward their chapter!) "Even though we were not as busy as I would have liked, we had some really positive conversations. I was also able to do some good networking with the people at the county foster care booth," Packard says.

From conversations with adults that were placed for adoption as infants to couples considering adoption in the future, the day was filled with memorable conversations.

The booth was run by people who adopted through LDSFS, Angles Foster Family Network, and a private attorney--each bringing something different to the table.

What a fabulous way to network and get involved in community outreach!

Finding Friday: Making and Posting Fliers

2010-07-16T15:03:00.000-06:00

This week's Finding Friday post comes to us from Colorado's FSA and is written by Brianna Olsen. It is a simple way to help you spread the word about your desire to adopt by making and posting fliers.

Our fliers are actually a free item we got from the company we ordered pass along cards through, and they are actually over sized postcards. We realized that these giant postcards make great fliers! They are the size of a half sheet of paper, so you could easily make them at home. We were limited in our design options, but you don't have to be. These fliers would be great to put a picture of your family on, say that you are hoping to adopt, and list your blog or email address. Print out a lot of them and you are set!

Once you have them printed, you just need to find places to put them up. Most public places may have a bulletin board where you can post notices, just make sure you ask someone to get it approved before you post it.

Here are some places to hang up your fliers:

-church buildings
-grocery stores
-library
-hospital
-school counseling center
-gas station
-college campus
-bowling alley
-post office
-break room at work
-mall

-rec center

What are you waiting for? Go design some fliers and get started!

Cedar City FSA's Adoption Celebration Luau

2010-07-13T06:51:00.000-06:00

Cedar City FSA's Adoption Celebration Luau
by Bridget Crane

We've been having the Luau for the past six years to celebrate National Adoption Month in November. Every year we have 160-180 people come. This year we had close to 200!

We send out invitations to everyone who is or has been involved with FSA. We encourage them to bring family and friends and ask that they RSVP. April, the secretary at our LDSFS, cooks the most delicious Hawaiian food for everyone to enjoy. Then we pass around sign up sheets for salads etc. Other things were donated by businesses in the community.

We had activities for the kids including a fishing pond, pinata, and stuff to make little leis. Most of the items needed for these activities were donated by businesses in the community. We even had a hula performance.

We had a short orientation presentation about the new itsaboutlove.org website.

Laurie Hansen, a very well known CNM in Cedar City, and her daughters came and sang "From God's Arms, To My Arms, To Yours" by Michael Mclean. We are lucky enough to have so many great people involved in adoption and willing to join us for this celebration.

This is a very successful activity for us every year. It is something that Families Supporting Adoption look forward to every year. It is a time to celebrate adoption and enjoy the company of those who love it as much as you do. It has grown and we hope it will continue to grow every year.

Did I mention the food is AMAZING?

Learn more about the incredible things this chapter is doing by visiting the Cedar City FSA Blog.

Article: "Couples find peace, through adoption agencies"

2010-07-11T15:23:00.000-06:00

Recently the Universe.byu.edu web site featuring a wonderful article on adoption called "Couples find peace, through adoption agencies."

Click HERE to read the full article.

Here is a profound statement shared with The Universe from a birth mother:

“I strongly believe in the blessings that come from the sealing covenant,” ShaNae said. “And as a young, unwed mother, I knew I would be unable to offer those blessings to my daughter at this time. However, I knew she deserved them, and I was going to do everything in my power to ensure she received those blessings, even if it meant letting her go.”

Win a Pair of National Conference Tickets

2010-07-06T09:16:00.014-06:00

*This giveaway is closed and the winner has been notified via email.

The National Conference is quickly approaching.

We thought that with all the excitement of the conference, it would be a great idea to have our very first blog giveaway and we are staring big!

We are giving away a PAIR of National Conference tickets to a lucky blog reader ($70 value)!

You might be thinking, "Oh no! I already purchased my tickets!" Don't worry! We will refund you for two of those should you win.

If you would like to enter this giveaway, here is what to do:

Leave a comment on this blog post.
Include your email address in this comment.

Extra Entries are Available:

Leave an additional comment with your email address for each extra entry.

"Follow" The FSA National Blog.
Subscribe to The FSA National Blog.
follow @NationalFSA on Twitter.
Tweet about this giveaway, using @NationalFSA in your tweet! (This can be done once per day.)
Become a fan of or "like" Families Supporting Adoption on Facebook.
Blog about this giveaway on your blog, linking back to this post. Leave a link to your post in your comment.
Add one of the Families Supporting Adoption blog buttons to your blog.
Email your family and friends about this giveaway send your email to fsablog at gmail dot com.

Don't forget to leave your email address so we can contact you should you win. Entries will be accepted until Thursday, July 15, 2010 at 11:59 PM MST. The winner will be announced the following day via email. The winner has 48 hours to respond. If they fail to respond, a new winner will be selected.

Good Luck!

The Fine Print:

This giveaway is for two full National Conference tickets only. The winner will be responsible for travel to the conference and hotel accommodations. This blog is run by a member of the FSA National Board who is responsible for the National Conference. This board member was not compensated for this post. Winner will be randomly selected using random.org.

National Conference NEWS: Hotel Information

2010-06-21T07:27:00.005-06:00

Click on image to enlarge.

Here is some information and options regarding hotel accommodations for the National Conference. The Hilton Garden Inn is actually attached to the Davis Conference Center and has a group rate when the Group/Convention Code is used. (You can find that discount code on the Registration Page under the "Lodging" tab.) However, The Hilton Garden Inn has a tendency to fill up rather quickly with conference attendees. If it is full, the above information may help you find an alternate place to stay.

We can't wait to see you at the conference. Only 38 more days!

National Conference NEWS: Classes for Birth Families

2010-06-08T15:08:00.001-06:00

Click HERE to be taken to the FSA Birth Parent Blog.

Did you know that the National Conference is not just for adoptive couples and adoptive families?

For the last 2 years a "birth parent track" of classes was added to the conference and this year promises to be the best yet!

A committee of birth parents and birth grandparents has designed a spectacular conference especially with birth families in mind. There are classes for prospective birth parents, birth parents who have already placed, birth grandparents, birth mothers and birth fathers.

The following classes are only available for birth parents, prospective birth parents and their guests:

Why Adoption?
Finding the Right Adoptive Couple
Deciding Who, When and How to Tell
Staying Involved (in FSA)
Telling your Children Your Adoption Story
Husbands of Birth Mothers
Grief and Moving Forward

And here are some classes that are open for everyone but still designed with birth parents in mind:

Open Adoption: It's About Family
Communication: The Secret to a Successful Open Adoption
Birth Father Panel
Closed Adoption
Adopted Children Panel
Birth Parent Panel
How do I guide & support my child? (Birth Grandparents)
Grief Process for Birth Grandparents
Who you are is not what you've done

Conference registration is FREE for birth parents.
Click HERE to register.

FSA National Conference Service Projects

2010-06-07T14:17:00.006-06:00

The best way to find yourself
is to lose yourself in the service of others.
~Mohandas Ghandi

This year, Families Supporting Adoption will be hosting a service project at the annual conference. Collection baskets will be set up for conference participants to have the opportunity to serve two great organizations in collecting items that they are in need of. Please bring your donations with you to the conference.

The first organization we will be collecting items for is Birth Mother Baskets.

Birth Mother Baskets is a non-profit organization started by Gina Crotts. Gina is a birth mother and refers to the daughter she placed as her "little butterfly." In an effort to give back to the adoption community and serve other women who have placed and may need some additional love, Gina created Birth Mother Baskets. Donated items are arranged into beautiful baskets and sent to birth mothers in need. We are honored to be part of her cause this year.

Items that we would love to collect for Birth Mother Baskets include:

Journals
Lotions
Bath Salts
Bath Bubbles
Movies
Jewelry
8 x 10 or 5 x 7 photo frames
Music CD's
Inspirational Books
Hair Products
Make-Up
Fingernail Polish
Manicure/Pedicure Sets
Photo Albums
Magazines
Small Blankets
Slippers
Stuffed Animals
Gift Certificates (massages, spa treatments, pedicure, manicure, movies or book store, etc.)
Large Baskets (Gina recommends laundry sized wicker baskets at Wal-Mart for only $4.00)
Tissue Paper
Ribbon
Candles

We will also be collecting school supplies for The Christmas Box International.

The friendly environment of the Christmas Box Houses are unique. Children are brought into the shelter program after being removed from their homes because of abuse, neglect, or abandonment. Instead of spending the night in less comfortable circumstances, they are able to arrive at the House were the staff is immediately available to talk to children and explain what is happening, what will happen, and why. The House staff provides a sense of caring, warmth and continuity at a very difficult time in a child's life.

Currently there are three Christmas Box Houses located in the state of Utah in Salt Lake, Ogden and Moab. The Houses all have the basic concept of a child-friendly, calm, home-like atmosphere and have added programs and services to meet the unique needs of the children in the communities they serve.

School supplies that we would love to collect for The Christmas Box House include:

#2 Pencils
Glue Sticks
Backpacks
Boxes of Tissue
Pink Erasers
Broad Tip Markers
Scissors
Pencil Cases
Wide-Ruled Spiral Bound Notebooks
Pocket Folders
Crayons
Packages of Wide Ruled Loose Leaf Paper

We can't wait to see you at the Conference!
Don't forget to register HERE.

Florida FSA: Planning a Successful Regional Conference

2010-05-29T08:25:00.000-06:00

On June 25 and 26, 2010, FSA Southeast will be holding a regional conference in Orlando, Florida. While there have been Southeast Regional conferences in the past, they have usually been held in Atlanta, so planning a regional conference is new to us here in Florida! We are excited with the way our conference is coming together, and we have learned some good lessons along the way. We hope these lessons will help you in planning your conferences as well.

Talk to the Pros: At the beginning of our planning, we quickly asked for help from the people who have done this before. FSA Georgia has been responsible for the Southeast conference in the past, and they’ve always done a wonderful job. We knew that we would need their help and advice, and we have been so grateful to have their expertise to draw on.

Build a Strong Committee: Our Florida FSA Board is a tremendous group of people, and they were the first people we turned to to build our conference planning committee. We also searched out willing volunteers to fill out our committee. This we did by asking our LDSFS advisor who she might recommend, as well as by sending out an email survey. We found several talented and willing helpers to head our various committees, and they have all provided valuable input. Knowing that we can trust them to do their many assignments has made our planning go very smoothly. We have also formed a regional committee, with FSA delegates from the other states involved.

Form Subcommittees: We thought through every element of the conference that we could, and came up with subcommittees. Ours are as follows:

Travel & Tourism—finding hotel deals, providing travel information, etc.
Publicity—registration, flyers, mailers, building a website
Food—we have to eat!
Education—finding our class presenters
Child Care—arranging for caregivers, and providing activities for different ages
Decorations—building an environment that matches our theme
T-Shirts—we have T-shirts people can order that will match our conference theme

Delegate: Don’t try to do everything alone. Once you have your committee(s), use them!

Dream Big!: We want our conference to be a valuable, memorable experience for everyone who attends. Because so many live so far from Orlando, we also want to offer classes and speakers who people will be willing to travel to see. Don’t be afraid to aim high! The worst anyone can do is tell you no. With that in mind, we asked Troy Dunn if he would be our keynote speaker. And guess what? He is coming to speak to us on Saturday morning, June 26! We also have a former NBA basketball star and his wife (Greg & Jenny Kite) coming to share their adoption story, a leading infertility specialist and his wife, who is an adoption counselor, top-notch attorneys, and active FSA members who have a wealth of information to share. We are also working hard to provide a great luau for our Friday night program.

Have Faith: We are all a little nervous, having never done a conference of this magnitude in Orlando before. But, we are excited and anxious to see it all come together! We know that we’re doing the best work we can, and hopeful that we will have a full house. Anyone who makes the journey is guaranteed to have a wonderful, uplifting time. We hope to see you there!

For more information on this conference, visit their conference web page HERE.

2010 Bertha Holt Mother of Adopted Children Award

2010-05-27T02:55:00.000-06:00

MEET AURA LEE LOVELAND, RECIPIENT OF THE 2010 BERTHA HOLT MOTHER OF ADOPTED CHILDREN AWARD

Aura Lee Loveland of Oregon City, Oregon was recognized as the 2010 recipient of The Bertha Holt Mother of Adopted Children Award at the “Celebration Of Motherhood” Gala hosted by the Oregon Association of American Mothers, Inc. (AMI) on April 16, 2010. Friends and family joined her and other award recipients for a delightful and inspiring evening of music, food, and presentations. After a beautiful banquet, Aura Lee was escorted by her husband, Garn to receive the award.

Aura Lee and Garn have six children, three biological and three adopted. They firmly believe that children come into families through all different routes and each heavenly sent. August 14, 2004 was one of the greatest days of their lives, with all six children in the temple when their youngest children were sealed to their family.

The Bertha Holt Award is presented to an outstanding mother of children who have been adopted but also recognizes a woman who has been a strong adoption advocate. Aura Lee has been a lifelong advocate for children and families, particularly regarding adoption issues. She has had the unique opportunity of viewing the adoption adventure as an adoptive parent, birth parent worker, and adoption worker. She has worked with birth, foster and adoptive families through LDS Family Services and Oregon's Department of Human Services, and is currently serving on a state adoption committee. She received her Master's Degree in Social Work from Portland State University in June 2000. In her graduate studies, Aura Lee focused her research on special needs adoption and post-adoption challenges and resources. She has facilitated therapeutic groups for adopted and foster children. Aura Lee has taught numerous classes for FSA Adoption Conferences held in Seattle, Washington, Portland, Oregon and most recently, the FSA West Regional Conference held in November 2009. She and her husband Garn served on Oregon's FSA board, including as chair-couple, from 1999-2002. In 2008, they were recipients of the 2008 FSA Oregon Chapter Award presented for outstanding service in support of adoption provided to the community and the membership of Families Supporting Adoption. Aura Lee is also part owner of Time Preserved, Inc., a personal and family history business, helping individuals record their life stories. She and her family live in the Oregon City area.

American Mothers Inc. is an interfaith, non-political, and non-profit organization for women and men who are dedicated to preserving the moral and spiritual foundations of the family and the home. AMI is dedicated to continuing its 68-year pledge to promote age-old values and principles upon which America was founded with education, cultural, and spiritual programs for mothers of all ages.

Salt Lake FSA's "Celebration of Birthmothers"

2010-05-25T12:46:00.001-06:00

The Salt Lake Chapter of Families Supporting Adoption hosted "Celebration of Birthmothers". Birthmothers were invited to a relaxing evening honoring the choice to place for adoption. The event featured a dinner, then a vocal arrangement of one of the most beloved songs in the adoption community: "From God's Arms to My Arms to Yours," and a reading of a newly published adoption book "The Very Best for TJ" by Halene Dahlstrom was presented. This book along with beautiful illustrations chronicles the experiences of a birthmother in choosing adoption despite the pressures to single parent, marry the birthfather, or terminate the pregnancy.

The "Very Best Thing for TJ" is a story about love and choices. Faced with an unexpected pregnancy, a young mother must carefully consider all options and decide what will ultimately be the very best thing for a new little life that is "growing and stretching in that warm, cozy place, getting bigger and bigger every day." (If interested in purchasing the book contact alaskafamilybooks@yahoo.com or booksbyhalene@yahoo.com)

The evening concluded with birthmothers having an opportunity to share experiences and information about the child placed for adoption. Many appreciate this night and expressed gratitude for such an event. One birthmother commented, "This is the only place I can be recognized as a mother. Please know I appreciate this night!" Finally, birthmothers were presented with roses and a charm for a necklace or bracelet with the inscription "LOVE". As a chapter we truly LOVE birthparents.

The Saturday before Mother's Day is recognized as national birthparent day. How fitting to honor birthparents first since without this choice of adoption we would not be parents. It isn't Mother's Day unless one can celebrate birthparents!

Technical Difficulties

2010-05-25T08:00:00.004-06:00

If you are having problems viewing the blog with Internet Explorer, switch your browser to Firefox. We are trying to get the bug ironed out.

Thanks for your patience!

Article: "Lessons of Adoption Can Be Difficult, But Have Widespread Applications"

2010-05-23T11:02:00.000-06:00

Lessons of Adoption Can Be Difficult, But Have Widespread Applications

This week's article is taken from Adopted Child, Volume 17, Number 9, September 1998.
by Lois R. Melina

Adoption reaches us in ways we never imagine when we first welcome our children. Adoption teaches us about grieving, about our ability to control events, and about relationships. Through adoption we face our prejudices, our fears, and our expectations of ourselves and our children. Adoption is a lens through which we look at our world. It clarifies some aspects and blurs others. In the end, the lessons of adoption are lessons on love.

Adoption is not second-best
I smiled inwardly when my friend talked about her plan to have a baby. The baby would be born at the beginning of the summer so that she could finish teaching and be back in the classroom in the fall. She would carefully follow advice about conception so as to maximize her chances of having a girl. The baby, she hoped, would have her curly hair rather than her husband's thin, straight hair. Careful selection of music during the pregnancy and birth would mold the child's taste in music as well as her temperament.
I remember having thoughts like that.

Adoption reminds us that we have less control over our lives that we often think or want. Infertile adoptive parents progress from wanting to determine the sex, birth date, and genetic code for their child to just wanting a child. Along the way, we evaluate all those factors that seem essential to us at the beginning of our drive to reproduce, gradually letting go of the ones that are less important. We examine factors that still seem important to figure out why.

Why do we want a child with an IQ at least as high as ours? Why do we want a baby? Why do we want a healthy baby when a biological child could be born with disabilities or chronic illness? Though we know much about a biological child is beyond our control, we hang onto the illusion that we can control enough factors to at least increase the odds of getting what we want. We selectively ignore the risk factors in our own families, or perhaps we are not afraid of them because we have already learned that we can live with them.

Ultimately we must confront the question of whether the glass is half full or half empty. Is this a child who is likely to not have something our biologic child probably would have had, or is this a child who will enrich our lives with his or her unique, unknown qualities?

The phone call reported the premature death of an acquaintance who had many talents and achievements--and had struggled with depression. At the time, I was still struggling with the relative importance of raising a child with my genes versus someone else's. It occurred to me that parents get little comfort from the knowledge that they have passed on their abilities and aptitudes if they do not also pass on their joy for life.

For some people, the fact they adoptive parents do not get what they wanted when they began the process of reproduction, i.e. a child with their genetic code and perhaps even specific inherited traits, leads them to conclude that we have settled for second best. Even some adoptive parents and adoptees draw this conclusion.

What we learn when we analyze this is that adoption, for most of us was a second choice, but that does not mean it is second best. We didn't get what we wanted at first. We didn't get what we first thought we needed. However, we have found our second choice to be as enriching and as satisfying as we expected our first choice to be.

Eighteen or so years after we welcome our children home, we realize that if we had been able to exert control over the formation of our family, we would have missed incredible experiences and never known some extraordinary children. We would have missed the amazing discoveries of children whose biologic composition showed us a different way of approaching challenges or looking at the world; whose genetically determined traits and abilities took us down different paths than we had known before. Without adoption we might not have realized that loving our children is not about loving the best parts of ourselves as reflected in our children, but about cherishing them as individuals with unique qualities.

Some people find spiritual implications in these discoveries. The idea that they could have been so off-base in determining what they needed, and that some higher power intervened, creating the crisis of infertility followed by the adoption of a child whose coming into their family appears to have been almost accidental, invites examination of concepts like blind luck, serendipity, destiny, karma, and God's plan. Having been so generously rewarded when they let go of control, adoptive parents may find that adoption has opened them up to other kinds of unknowns and allowed them to trust in that higher power.

Connections and loss
One of the first concepts presented to adoptive parents these days is that children grieve for the losses they experience in adoption. How primal this loss is, how deep the wounds, what its lingering effects, and how it is healed are questions still being debated.

It's one thing for parents to hear in an orientation class about the pain that an adoptee feels when she realizes her birth mother "gave her away." It's quite another for parents to see the child they love aching because she thinks she must be truly unworthy if her own birth mother "gave her away."

Committed to meeting our children's needs, we realize we cannot take the hurt away. We cannot pretend it didn't happen. We cannot compensate for the loss simply by being there or by giving more than the birth parents would have been able to give. We feel left out because this is about our child and someone else--someone we may not even know. Yet it may feel like this is about us and our failure to be everything our child needs.

Of course, we may tryt to distract our child from the pain, minimize it, or make her feel guilty or ungratful for having it. However, if we can acknowledge it, and recognize our role is to provide solace, we can learn much from our child's grief.

We can learn that children do have feelings. They are not emotionally shallow. Nor are they stronger emotionally than adults--able to rebound quickly from trauma. Rational explanations work not better to reduce a child's anguish than they do with adults--we continue to hurt even though we may intellectually understand that no personal injury was intended.

We can learn that feelings cannot be plotted on a balance sheet, with the emotional "gains" from a single incident, or an entire lifetime, compensating for the losses. We are entitled to an emotional response to each separate event. We cannot reduce the pain that comes with a child feeling abandoned by her birth mother by pointing out how much better off she is in his adoptive family any more than an adult's pain is reduced when, for example, a relationship goes sour and a well meaning friend tells her how good freedom can be.

"I wish I were in Korea, but if I were in Korea, I wouldn't have you, "a young girl said to her adoptive parents.

We've heard the maxim that when one door closes, another door opens, and that idea characterizes adoption. At every junction, there is a door that opens, but that would not be open were it not for another pathway being closed off. Whichever door is chosen, the other must close. Adoption reminds us that no matter how attractive one door might be, there is loss involved in choosing it. That loss doesn't diminish the experience of the door we go through; nor does the experience we choose make up for the loss.

We can spend a lifetime wondering about the doors we did not go through, whether through our choice or not. We help our children not bu pointing out to them how much they would have regretted the other doors, how inferior those paths, or how much they would have missed had they not gone through the door they did. We help our children by helping them learn that we can grieve for what was, missed, but we much still move on and embrace what is ahead. This is the lesson of infertility as well.

As parents, our understanding of our children's adoption-related grief can sensitize us to the validity of their feelings in other situations. Soon we begin to wonder how much of our child's grief over a friend who has rejected her is tied to her feelings of being rejected by her birth mother, or whether she is feeling the loss of her adoptive grandmother more because she's relating it to the loss of her birth family. Is every loss complicated by the losses of adoption, or have we become overly sensitive to grief issues, inadvertently making them seem bigger than they really might be?

What we may realize is that no matter what the age of the person, or whether he was adopted or not, what really hurts in life is being rejected or abandoned, and what's really frightening is the thought of being rejected or abandoned. We want to be wanted. We want to be valued. We want to have the choice of having that relationship, because the alternative could be that we are left alone. And while we all may crave privacy and appreciate independence, we all want the option of intimacy.

A family on earth
Adoption expands our relationships. We start be questioning how a child not biologically related to se can be a member of our family. Then. perhaps. we find ourselves feeling connected to the child's birth parents. Maybe we actually know them. Many adoptive parents today meet their children's birth parents prior to the adoption. Some develop a close relationship while other relate to each other more as distant friends.

Those of us who have not met our children's birth parents have nonetheless thought about them and perhaps craved the opportunity to reach out to them, assuring them that their child is thriving. In some cases, we feel a deep spiritual pull towards these birth parents, recognizing that though we may be unknown to each other, we have somehow all been involved in the creation and development of a remarkable human being. A profound connection like that cannot be easily dismissed.

As our children grow, we see glimpses os what we conclude is the influence of biology. Sometimes this challenges us--we want to credit environment for what we like in our child and blame biology for the rest. We learn, though, that our child is a complete package--to love part of her we much love the whole. This surrender to unconditional love is all that more incredible because it does involve accepting something beyond us.

The drive to become a parent is the human drive to reproduce ourselves. The basic instinct is survival of the human race. Beyond that is the desire to create a physical embodiment of the love that we share with another human being--a child who will meld the best of each of us into one person, and carry that into future generations.

When we lose this opportunity to immortalize our love, there is a deep loss which all infertile couples feel. However, when we accept a child with another genetic heritage as our child, and love that child as the unique mix of environment and heredity that he is, we achieve immortality in a different way. This act of love illustrates the idea that when we reproduce ourselves through adoption, our selves include all humanity.

When the adoption is international or transracial, that concept is even more significant. We cal call ourselves parent to a child with a different racial or ethnic heritage because all of humanity is ultimately related.

Again, we can take that lesson into the rest of our lives. What we have in common is greater than what separates us. And our capacity to love others, including people who seem to be very different from us, is much greater than we often realize. Blood is thicker than water, but who has water in their veins?

"Would you love me more if I have been born to you?"

How could any adoptive parent answer that question? We cannot imagine loving our children more than we do. But, more important, we would not be the same had we done through different doors. Our children would not be the same had they not gone through their doors. If it had been possible for the child with his unique DNA to be born to us, we would still not be the same people.

Being a family
Adoption causes us to examine the cultural notions of family. Because an adoptive family is formed through a legal process, the culture that controls the legal system defines what is an adoptive family according to cultural beliefs. We have seen singel men struggle to be allowed to adopt because the culture expects women, not men, to be nurturers. As nurturing roles for men have become more prevalent in the culture as a whole, men have faced less discrimination in adopting.

We have seen Caucasian parents face barriers to adoption African-American children. While much of the resistance has come from the African-American community, multiracial families still seem to confound the culture. Wen parent and child apparently defy the lingering cultural taboo of racial intermingling, strangers feel they are entitled to an explanation. As this taboo breaks down, transracial adoption becomes more accepted.

Gay and lesbian parents, women over 40, and unmarried couples face closer scrutiny before being able to adopt because at first glance they do not look like what our culture expects a family to look like. Even families whose relationship is called into questions by different hair color must explain their validity as a family.

When we adopt, we must explore how people who are not biologically connected can call themselves a family. If it isn't biology that binds us, what is it? Sometimes we look at the marriage model and realize that when we marry we create a family of two people not biologically related. Surely we can do the same with a child. The difference is that we create a family through marriage after we meet and fall in love with someone.

Though couples with arranged marriages learn to love each other, most of us do not want to take that risk. But adoption is an arranged family, with children going to parents in ways that sometimes seem random. It takes a leap of faith to believe that we will learn to love a child when we have not met him and know that we will not find familiarity through genetic traits.

Because we know that our relationship with our child is completely dependent on our interactions with each other, adoptive parents tend to put a lot of effort into being a family--into building relationships that some parents assume will be there because the biologic connection is there.

We bristly at the term real parents when the implication is that these are the biologic parents. We know that biologic or not, real relationships grow when parents are available--physically and emotionally, when children's physical and emotional and spiritual needs are met, when experiences and thoughts and fears are shared. We know that a piece of paper saying we are the legal parents of a child will not create trust or provide security. If they think about it--and many do--biologic parents realize that DNA doesn't do that, either. The difference is that having never had to examine what makes a family a family, some parents mistakenly assume that closeness is the automatic result of living together.

Just as welcoming a child is an array of firsts--first bath, first feeding, first time he slept through the night--letting go of a child is an awareness of potential finality--maybe the last camping trip, possibly that last time together on a birthday. There is the sadness of parting, but letting go is simple an extension of meeting the child's needs.

When a 7-year-old needs to learn more, we send him to first grade. We calm our nerves by reminding ourselves that we have done everything we could to prepare him. When it's time for children to leave home, parents and children both recognize that the next stage in development requires physical separation. We calm our nerves by reminding ourselves that for the past 18 or so years, our son or daughter has turned to us in times of need, when frightened or confused, and when delighted. We expect phone calls reporting roommate dissatisfaction, low finances, pride in accomplishment. And we know know that is a sign that even apart, we are still a family.

The Hook to Hang It On

2010-05-22T02:43:00.001-06:00

The Hook to Hang It On
By Jim R. James

Originally published in the Colorado Chapter's 2008 Quarterly Newsletter

One of the most common factors I have come across in working with families and their adopted children is what I will call "The Hook to Hang it On." I often refer to this concept when I am trying to train adoptive parents on parenting issues with their adopted children. In fact, I think it is an important thing to consider when considering some of the questions our FSA Co-Chains are desirous to address in this newsletter. All of the questions can be summed up in one question, "How do I parent this child that was not biologically mine to begin with in the first place?"

Imagine with me for a minute that parenting is like a coat room or a "mud" room that you come into when you first enter the house. As you remove your winter clothes, you look around this room and identify the books where you can place your many layers of clothes. you may find a place for your scarf. You may locate another hoof for you coat. There may even be enough hooks to hand up a pair of gloves, wet socks, and such. It would be wonderful if there was enough hooks for every item that you need to hang. What would you do if there were not enough hooks? Like most people, you would simply combine your items and still hang up as much as you can. Imagine if you had an extra hook or two. What would you do if you had more places to hang things than you actually needed or even wanted? Would you feel bad if you could not hand something on them?

Parents of adopted children have entered this great room full of hooks. Parenting, like the room has many places for things "to hang." However, parents of adopted children have an extra hook to hand things on. It is different than hooks they have seen in other people's homes. They are not always sure what to do with it. Often, parents with the extra adoption hook, feel like they have to hang something on it. Sometimes, adoptive parents want to hang everything on it. Certainly, adopted children will want to use the hook as well. They may even be tempted, like their adoptive parents, and hang everything on it. This is a temptation that non-adoptive parents and non-adopted children do not have to deal with. What will you hand on the adoption hook? What will your children hand on their adoption hook? IT will be easy in the future, from my experience, for each member of the family (and even others) to hand much on the adoption hook that does not really belong to the adoption hook.

If you get my meaning, in this analogy, please consider the following suggestions as you experience the adventure of entering the parenting room and deciding what hooks to hand things on:

Be as educated as possible on the normal developmental phases and experiences of children. Many so-called "normal issues are faced by adoptive parents who mistakenly try to hand that on an adoption hook. Similarly, many adopted children may mistake normal developmental phases or tasks for adoption matters.
Always consider what is normal or expected for ALL children at this phase of life, what is normal or expected for MY child at this phase, and then consider what is an exception or a difference. If you do locate something that does not appear to be normal or expected for ALL children or THIS child, then consider if adoption or the adoption experience may be an appropriate hook to hand it on. From my experience, adoption should be the last hook we try to hang things on.
Emphasize family and family unity that exist independent of adoption and adoption issues. All of us are adopted in many different ways and means, both spiritually and temporally. Thing on this: Marriage is really adoption. That is, marriage is two biologically unrelated people coming together to form a family unit by legal ceremony and procedure. Much of our spiritual beliefs are founded in the principles of adoption (i.e. into the Church, into the family of God, as children of Christ). Adoption should be a more normal, natural, and easy part of our conversation and daily walk. We should be careful not to make too much of things that are probably not related to adoption at all.
Learn everything you can about adoption, open adoption, boundaries, parenting, and other subjects that are related to strengthening your own family. Do not let yourself believe that you do not need to keep learning and gaining knowledge and experience. Keep sharpening your saw.
Talk to each other and the Lord about your wishes, concerns, and hopes. Seek the gift if discernment for your situation, your child, and our desires. Trust Him to guide you as you seek to understand your child and you role in helping your child.

So, as you enter (and reenter) the parenting room with your child and all that your child comes with, remember to look around at the hooks that are there to hang things on. Be excited that you have an extra hook to hang things on, but be careful not to use it exclusively. Remember to had things on all the hooks and help your children do the same. All the hooks are great. Sometimes you may use one more than another, but likely, fewer things than we imagine are hung on only the adoption hook. It may be even the last hook that we will ever hang any of our things on. Enjoy what you have and do your best to make it a great place to be. Adoption definitely is full of more blessings and joy than we can even truly fathom.

Colorado FSA Regional Conference

2010-05-20T08:21:00.001-06:00

Colorado FSA Regional Conference

April 30, 2010 – May 1, 2010

The conference was kicked off Friday April 30 with a fun, family friendly carnival. It was a great opportunity for everyone to get to know each other. Everyone was able to come together with the common goal of spreading the word on adoption.

The conference was continued on Saturday May 1 at 9 a.m. The day started with a beautiful song about adoption entitled “Delivery” and a slide show of the children placed through Colorado LDS Family Services. Following this beautiful opening and an invocation, we were addressed by Lindsey Redfern as our keynote speaker. She is a great example of advocacy for adoption.

Following her remarks the conference was broken into 50 minute break-out sessions on the following topics: Making your Adoption Happen, Parenting the Adopted Child, How to Increase your Adoption Options, Adoption Advocacy, What Not to Say!, Special Needs Adoption, and Keeping Promises in Open Adoption. What Not to Say! was immediately following lunch when everyone was gathered together so that all could hear. It was a panel of two incredible birthmothers sharing words, phrases, and comments that are not appropriate to use when talking with birthmothers. It was incredibly insightful.

The conference was closed with a raffle/prize giveaway of adoption swag and a prayer.

Adoption Tax Law Update

2010-05-19T08:23:00.002-06:00

Adoption Tax Law Update
by Michelle R. Mitchell

IN UTAH

Many thanks to everyone who participated in the effort to get the Utah legislature to enact a tax credit for adoption expenses. Way to get involved by signing the petition and sending letters to your legislators!! And, we want to express thanks to the bill’s sponsors, Representative Stephen Sandstrom of Orem and Senator Karen Mayne of West Valley. Unfortunately, it was a bad year to ask for money from our state government and the bill did not pass. We will try again next year!

While we did not achieve our goal of passing the tax credit in Utah, I know we raised awareness regarding adoption as we sent emails, posted on Facebook, and talked about the cause with our family and friends.

NATIONALLY

As a result of the healthcare legislation, effective this year (retroactive to January 1, 2010), the federal adoption tax credit becomes refundable, increases by $1,000 (to $13,170) and extends through 2011.

PRIVATE FUNDING FOR ADOPTION

Perhaps the government is not the most dependable source for assistance with adoption funding. Efforts are underway to compile a list of private organizations that offer grants and other forms of assistance to adoptive families. Your suggestions as to the best way to compile this information and as to the most useful way to present it to adoptive families are welcome.

*NOTE that adoption legislation other than the tax credit did pass this year. An update on what that means for adoptive families will be featured next month! (Rumor has it that the fingerprinting requirements have been altered.)

Spotlight: Brad and Brenda Horrocks

2010-05-12T07:55:00.000-06:00

Hi all you fantastic FSA friends!! Our names our Brad and Brenda Horrocks. We currently serve as Co-Vice Chairs for the FSA National Board. We love serving in adoption and have a great passion for helping others in the adoption process and enjoy educating those around us about adoption. We have been blessed with 4 beautiful children through adoption. Brenley is 9, Haley is 7, Camden 3 and Spencer is 7 months old. Our first three adoptions were through LDS Family Services but our children's Birth Mother's found us outside of the agency and then went in requesting us. We are very passionate about finding and love to share what we have learned with couples who are hoping to adopt. The newest Horrocks family member, Spencer, was placed with us while still in the NICU and only 1 day old. He came to our family through the foster to adopt program here in Utah under the Safe Haven Law. We just finalized Spencer's adoption a couple of weeks ago and we are so thankful to have him in our family! We have been foster parents for almost 3 years now and have been blessed to care for a total of 8 children. We are also part of a Birth Family. Our courageous niece placed her baby boy for adoption just 6 weeks before Haley joined our family. We learned a great deal as we supported our family members through this decision. We had the opportunity to go to group with our niece each week and Brenda was her coach in the delivery room. We gained a greater perspective of what a family goes through and feels as they make an adoption plan for their baby.

Our family enjoys a special relationship with each of our children's Birth Mothers and one of our Children's Birth Fathers. We love getting together with them and sharing our lives.

Brad and I will celebrate our 16th wedding anniversary this year and we feel our relationship just gets better all the time. FSA has provided a great opportunity for us to work together on common goals. Having a shared passion has brought us a special "togetherness" that has strengthened our friendship. We are big movie fans and enjoy renting movies and watching them together on a Friday night after tucking our children in bed. We also enjoy going on dates, taking trips, having picnic's int he canyon and gardening. Our favorite thing to do is be together as a family and listening to our children laugh or watch them put on little shows for us. Sometimes we look around and are amazed at the miracles the Lord has created. We are so thankful for the blessing to have a family created through adoption!

2009 Oregon FSA Chapter Award for Outstanding Service

2010-05-11T14:45:00.000-06:00

MEET THE WHELCHELS - RECIPIENTS OF THE 2009 OREGON FSA CHAPTER AWARD FOR OUTSTANDING SERVICE.

If you had attended the FSA West Regional Adoption Conference held in Portland, Oregon in November 2009, you would have seen wonderful pictures of children that were placed in various rooms throughout the conference. The children in those pictures were children photographed by The Linn County Heart Gallery showcasing children available for adoption with the state of Oregon. You would have been privileged to hear Lyn Welchel talk about her experience volunteering with The Heart Gallery as well as her amazing experience adopting two wonderful girls through the state of Oregon. You would have also seen Lyn and her husband, Tom become the recipients of the 2009 Oregon FSA Chapter Award which is given in recognition of outstanding service in support of adoption provided to the community and the membership of Families Supporting Adoption.

Tom and Lyn Whelchel have been married for 23 wonderful years. They have 4 biological children, 3 adopted children, and 2 foster children. From oldest to youngest, they have Mandie 24, Josh 21, Manika 15, Reegan 13, Alyssa 9, Bella 7, Olivia 6, and foster children N and K under 3 years of age. Their oldest son, Josh just recently returned from serving a full time mission for The Church of Jesus Christ of Latter-day Saints in Denver, Colorado.

Lyn’s inspiration for adoption and foster care came from her Grandparents who took her and her two brothers at a young age into their home after losing their mother to cancer. As Lyn was growing up, their home and hearts were always open to additional children. This was an impactful example to her.

Lyn had the opportunity to work as a Funeral Director for many years, and felt she had found her niche serving and comforting others during one of the most difficult times of their lives. She has always felt drawn to helping others.

A few years ago, Lyn and Tom were asked by their Bishop to take in three children while their mother worked on becoming healthy and able to care for her children. It turned into two years of challenging, yet rewarding foster care. A whole new world opened up for them and they realized their mission in providing forever families for so many children. Eventually, the three foster children returned home to their mother who had made the necessary changes to care for them properly.

Lyn and Tom continued to feel a need to grow their forever family. Lyn started volunteering with The Oregon Heart Gallery and The Lane County Heart Gallery by taking photos and videos of children in need of adoption or foster care. She opened up store fronts in Shopping Malls advertising these children that desperately needed loving homes. Lyn had the unique blessing of taping her own adopted daughters, not knowing that someday, these little girls would become part of their forever family. Bella and Olivia have been such a blessing in the Whelchel family.

Tom is a dedicated father and husband. He works as a Carpenter who owns his own Cabinet shop. He has supported Lyn in her work with Heart Galleries and feels equally passionate about finding forever families for foster children.

About four months ago, they received a call from a caseworker that told them of a fourteen month old niece of Bella and Olivia was in need of a home, and that there was also a little brother to be born in August that would also need a home. Lyn and Tom prayed for inspiration, and felt they needed to take both of the children home.

The last four of Lyn and Tom’s children are African American. Lyn has taught herself to care for their skin and hair and gives classes through DHS to teach other parents. Lyn has also been asked to become a mentor to other adoptive or foster care parents who have special needs children, or are struggling with a particular child in adjusting to foster care or adoption.

The Whelchel’s have been incredibly blessed by these opportunities to bring these precious children into their home, and help others find and adjust healthily to their new families. They thank Heavenly Father each day for such blessings.

http://www.oregonheartgallery.org/

OUR MISSION:
A Family for Every Child

Is Dedicated to Finding

Loving, Permanent Families

For Every Waiting Foster Child.

American Fork's Skate and Celebrate Night

2010-05-10T02:27:00.001-06:00

A fun time was had by all at our “Skate and Celebrate” night held in February!

Our skating activity drew a good crowd from the American Fork FSA Chapter we even had several birth moms attend.

There was plenty to keep us entertained: mingling with all our fellow FSA friends, munching on the goodies, visiting the variety of display booths, and doing the Hokey Pokey…that was entertainment enough!

We can’t wait until next year for “Skate and Celebrate”!

We have benefited greatly from all of the different people that have been involved in activities. Our board members are incredible! One of our board members is a birth mom, she has been great at helping the other birth families be involved in FSA. They support each other by attending each others events, celebrating ups and listening to the downs. She sends out one email and poof our outstanding group of birth moms show up. This group of birth moms are on fire right now wanting to spread their positive adoption experiences, what great advocates they are. They support one another by attending each other’s events, celebrating the ups and sympathizing with the downs. They are a huge support for the adoptive couples by helping us with our school presentations, answering our questions, spotlighting couples on their blog and attending all of our events and trainings. Where our adoptive couples are, our birth mothers can be found too ; together we share the magic of adoption…isn’t that what adoption is all about, birth families and adoptive families coming together for the love of our little ones.

Our birth moms have their own blog, check it out at: http://afchaptersmp.blogspot.com

Our chapter has been using a new email program to help us spread the word for all activities, training opportunities or any help that the case workers may need of us. This has allowed us to eliminate stuffing and licking envelopes and allowed us to contact everyone through the convenience of email without having to worry about getting caught up in spam. We have gathered a list of all the couples in our chapter through the case workers. Once a new couple is approved for adoption their email address is added to the master list.

The email program we use is called Mail Chimp, it is free for up to 500 email addresses. We are allowed to send 3000 emails a month. We have never gone over the free limit, but if we ever need to the cost is approx. $10.00 per month with a non-profit group discount. Using this email program has been beneficial since it keeps track of canceled email address and removes them from our list. It also tracks who opens and who clicks through to the blog or any other attachments or links that we include in our email message. We have found that using different subject lines attracts more attention and more people open the email and respond. These reports offered by this program have been invaluable to our chapter. Check out Mail Chimp at www.mailchimp.com

Finding Friday: Send Out Information Packets

2010-04-30T00:28:00.000-06:00

{Finding Idea: Create and Distribute Information Packets}

Send out Information Packets to family, friends, Church members, medical professionals, neighbors, adoption attorneys ...and anyone you can think of that has contact with unwed parents.

Packets can include:

Quotes from Church leaders regarding adoption and unwed parents
Your website address and case worker's name and phone number
Your birth parent letter and collage
Information explaining adoption
Business card
Promotion pens/pencils

*Information taken from Someone's Missing...